Overwatch - 3rd Hanzo Parody
23Welcome to the Overwatch 3rd Hanzo parody, for all the people out there who choose Hanzo when your party already has 2 snipers.
Rough Transcript:
Dear 3rd Hanzo, can you please play a tank.
Look, hear me out on this, if you're in a game with 2 Hanzo's or even an extra Widowmaker and you suddenly get the brilliant idea "Hey, you know what this team needs... 1 more sniper!' I honestly think big daddy Kaplan should put up a flashing tooltip over your screen that says...
"You know mate.... maybe that 3rd Hanzo wasn't a good choice, Just saying."
Look, This isn't about me... its about you, people of the 3rd Hanzoia - (I know you exist I've seen you)
It's gotten to the point where it's a @#$%ing minigame for me... here are the rules:
#1 in the first second of choosing a hero 3 will automatically be chosen, they will be Genji, Tracer and Hanzo.
#2 watch the last 2 spots at a painfully slow pace NOT choose a tank
#3 Choose which tank / support you are now forced to play
#4 now wait for more Hanzo!
Now don't get me wrong, if you're mucking around with your friends or trying stupid combos, maybe, just learning new characters in general then cool... that's fun as hell. But eventually, you're going to have to be a team player.
But, get this, last week it got to point where I had, I kid you not, 9 games in a row...9! with NO tank... So I thought you know what #$%@ you! After not choosing a tank, long story short (dank meme) at the last minute of no tanking I caved... I swapped over to a Reinhardt while on overtime counting down with 3 quarters of the way away still to go from the first checkpoint! Guess what, we ended up winning the entire game, who would have thought! Now I know what you're thinking "Alvis you arrogant mango are you trying to tell me you won the game" no, the whole team did... with a Tank. Previously we were losing without a tank, can you see my point here? Now I'm not the Kobe Bryant of Overwatch, in fact, I have roughly a 50% win rate like most players. I can still work out the math on this.
Now for that 3rd Hanzo who is already typing in the comments: "boot Alvi... yu mast be plebeian, I win wit no tanks alls time" good for you mate. You're missing the point dude. That one person who is playing a tank in all your other games is probably forced to... think about it... how many people choose a tank in the first 1-2 seconds when the first 3 characters are usually chosen?Go on, ask yourself.
I win games all the time without tanks too, but most of the time unless you're countering some stupid combo... YOU, mister 3rd Hanzoian are hurting my chances.
Look I respect you and I honestly don't know the exact problem for tank discrimination BUT! I assume its 1 or a combination of the follow:
I think Tanks are boring
I don't know how to play a Tank
I only play 1 hero, Hanzo, because he's awesome and I'm awesome.
Look all of these are legitimate reasons by themselves.
If I've put 30% of my hours on Winston, I must really like that big bastard. But! if you've got 90% of your hours in 3rd Hanzopia, this should probably affect the people you get lined up with. Hey! I'm all down for it.... infact I love you like my own... but we just need one person flicking arrows at bus size hitbox's at a time.
Now I love playing tanks, it doesn't bother me most of the time... but occasionally us tank players would like to play something else too! @#$% even Hanzo. Thank you.
OMG 4th Hanzo you monster!
#playoverwatch
Alvis Twitter ♥ bit.ly/1U9f3An
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