REJECTED KONGS: A New DK Rap (April Fools' 2022) [by Random Encounters]
3,461We updated the DK RAP with all the Kongs Nintendo forgot about! Hopefully they're included in the Super Mario Movie... Happy April Fools' Day, everyone!
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LYRICS:
Well, the gang’s all here
that you never knew:
it’s the REject Kongs
of the DK Crew!
You knew Donkey and Diddy,
and quite a few more,
But ya ain’t never heard
of these apes before!
Re-jects!
Rejected Kongs!
Re-jects!
Reject Kongs like these!
He’s the Kong whose kongcave
kongstantly itches!
He’s wearin’ a pair
of big tears in his britches!
The moment he wakes, he
can tell that he’s flaky.
An hour in the shower
aids his exfoliating!
The patches of rashes
that he’s actually scratchin’
need a cortisone cream
if he hopes to dispatch ‘em!
This ape keeps scraping
till he’s way over all of this.
Can someone recommend him
a good dermatologist?
IT-CHY!
ITCHY KONG!
IT-CHY!
IT-CHY TO THE MAX!
She’s a covetous Kong
and she can’t have enough.
She’s here to help herself
to a bunch of your stuff!
She’s been banned from Bevmo
for committing crimes,
She’s been sentenced to jail
about eleven times!
She’s got sticky fingers
she can cop cans of pop with.
And she’ll pilfer your silver
while she’s trying to shoplift!
She’s a klepto-Kong- oh,
she’s takin’ our bongos!
She’ll make off with more,
depending how long the song goes.
GRAB-BY!
GRAB-BY KONG!
GRAB-BY!
GRAB-BY STOLE OUR HEARTS!
He has no friends
cause they won’t take his crap.
They know this ape goes ape because
he’s eager to slap!
He’ll smack his mom!
He’ll swat a baby!
He’ll take his palm
to a pack of old ladies!
Puttin’ prints on your cheek
is his unholy pleasure.
Spittin’ quick-fire cuffs
in incalculable measure.
So brace your face,
whether ready or not, because
Slappin’ makes him happy,
and he’s happy a lot…
SLAP-PY!
SLAP-PY KONG!
SLAP-PY!
SLAPPY’S THROWIN’ DOWN!
She’s the drunk of the bunch!
And her one notoriety
is Tipsy can’t keep
a full day of sobriety.
This Kong smells strong!
Foul, fermenting urine’s
an olfactory attack
when she’s in the room you’re in!
She can’t walk a line.
She’s perpetually wasted.
And the fruit of the vine’s
all this wino has tasted!
Barfin’ on the carpet
like a rum-imbibing bum there!
Crackin’ in a keg cause
it’s 5 o’clock somewhere!
TIP-SY!
TIP-SY KONG!
TIP-SY!
TIPSY’S ON THE LOOSE!
He’s the leader of the pack
since he sacked the Jin Dynasty!
A plan that began
killing clans by the China Sea!
The Kongs won’t talk
of this warmongerin’ Mongol
who killed several mil
in ways decidedly wrongful.
This nomadic madman
committed atrocities-
Wiped Wuhai off the map
with a frightening ferocity!
This Mongol monstrosity
mangled most of Asia.
Yeah, your Great Wall was great,
but Genghis Kong’s gone and played ya!
GEN-GHIS!
GENGHIS KONG!
GEN-GHIS!
GENGHIS KONG FOR LIFE!
He’s the awkward twig
of the Kong family tree.
Someone give him a sock
so he can finally be free.
In the wizarding world,
he’s kongsidered a peon!
A gangsta little pranksta
who’s been stepped on for eons!
He’s pals with Potter
and Hermione Granger,
till he’s brutally killed
by Belatrix LeStrange!
Sure, his fashion is lackin
but this sack-clad sensation
is the poster-child house elf
of Self-flagellation!
DOB-BY!
DOBBY KONG!
DOB-BY!
DOBBY’S IN THE HOUSE!