Tradition Twelve tells us we must put principles before personalities. This means we practice the principles of AA, such as honesty, humility and making amends, over personality conflicts.
Personality conflicts will arise. That’s part of life. But, knowing that we are to put principles before personal differences and drama is a great guidepost. It isn’t always easy, but it always works.
This concept is not unlike keeping our side of the street clean. We are responsible for our behavior only. Others are responsible for theirs. Acting in principle helps prevent us from engaging in negative or toxic behavior that could impact our self-esteem.
“Principles before personalities.” Many of us chant these words along with the reader whenever the Twelve Traditions are read. The fact that these words have become a cliche of sorts doesn’t make them any less important, either in service or in our lives. These words are an affirmation: “We listen to our conscience and do what’s right, no matter who’s involved.” And that principle serves as one of the cornerstones of recovery as well as our traditions.
What does “principles before personalities” really mean? It means we practice honesty, humility, compassion, tolerance, and patience with everyone, whether we like them or not. Putting principles before personalities teaches us to treat everyone equally. The Twelfth Step asks us to apply principles in all our affairs; the Twelfth Tradition suggests we apply them to our relations with everyone.
Practicing principles doesn’t stop with our friends or when we leave a meeting. It’s for every day, for everyone… in all areas of our lives.
Just for today: I will listen to my conscience and do what’s right. My focus will be on principles, not on people’s personalities.
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