7 Health & Safety Nightmares Down to Insanely Negligent Workplace Design (in Games)

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outsidexbox

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Published on November 19, 2014 12:30:58 PM ● Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzgl6Tqx7ao

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Bioshock Infinite (2013)

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Most places of work have a few minor hazards that would be frowned on by some overzealous safety inspector, who would, I bet, even take issue with the annual Outside Xbox Bring Your Alligator to Work Day (thanks, nanny state). It's still safer here than these videogame workplaces, though. Get ready with the zero for the 'days since last accident' sign if you're unlucky enough to work in any of the following places.

Take the Normandy SR-2. After pro-human militia Cerberus blew its budget resurrecting Commander Shepard in time for Mass Effect 2, it didn't have the cash for the optional shielding upgrade on the new Normandy. As a result, the thrumming drive core at the heart of the ship is a time bomb, primed to explode when the Normandy bumps into some space junk, incinerating whichever beloved crew member is standing nearby. We bet they scrimped on airbags too.

The retro Aperture Science Enrichment Center, meanwhile, flouts safe science with pride, having been built in a simpler and saner age before asbestos office furniture went out of fashion.

But even Aperture's facility scores higher for employee safety than Freddy Fazbear's Pizza, the restaurant in Five Nights at Freddy's, whose animatronic critters regularly try to stuff the night watchman into a lethally uncomfortable robotic shell. Did no-one do a risk assessment?

It's enough to make us grateful for the comparative haven of the Outside Xbox kitchen, where the most we have to worry about is the doorless microwave and the jar of anthrax we keep next to the sugar. Anyone for coffee?

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