Being a Content Creator That Have Trouble Differentiate Reality
0Full Transcript: "Life is a constant Motion, things that happen, happens.
We can’t change the past, but it does shape and form us into the present, and the present builds up to the future.
I suffer a tremendous traumatic experience, and it shifted the way I view the world, literally. It shifts my reality, stress turn into worries, anxiety displace analogy, and my current present is of uncertainty. But there’s a dream and hope that I wishes to continue having, streaming and make videos that I enjoy making. Do whatever it is that makes me feel real, make me feel like I exist, create a space that I can feel belonging to.
It’s not easy living like this, and it’s difficult for creative creation, being unable to feel or relate to an audience.
The joy of creation that only I may have the ability to understand, fret over the fact that others might not.
I like talking, a constant motion that keep me active, keep me alive, I also like to listen, it makes me feels like I belongs here.
Some may call it unique; some may call it special, but without self-reflection, not even I could describe what it truly is.
Times is also of the constant, it never goes back, it only goes forward, that’s the best of ability we know anyway.
And we try to make the most of it, enjoying activities, doing our duties, serving our purposes, connection with reality.
But when time, as a concept has become too abstract for me, It shifted my reality, the needs, the wanted, I have just made time, a difficult resource to manage, even if I try.
Even this script I’m reading is a manageable resource that I have to tangled out of the jungle. I didn’t choose to be like this.
It seems like a random pattern, connected yet tangled up, am I speaking of nonsense then? Trying to express my mind?
I wouldn’t know, I can’t connect with anyone, not even my audience, not even myself. It’s a mystery in and of itself.
But I know this for sure, I made something, and maybe that’s all that is needed for me and the world to be understood.
I try to make sense of this speech of mine, to… maybe, make others understand me and some others that are like me.
I hope they do, because life is unique to all of us, and sometimes thoughts like these occurred, and it turns into a speech.
The mind is speaking to itself, and awoken its inner self, the script has been written by… no one, do I exist?
I ponder that question sometimes; do I have a duty here? A purpose? Or lack of it? Do I serve anything?
Well turns out I do have ambitions and dreams, but are they really mine? Even the smallest details are fill with madness.
What is reality? What is mine? And where should I be?
If I knew all these, well, I wouldn’t be making this video.
It’s kind of an essay I guess, but it’s personal to me, because these are what’s really on my mind and… it blocks me from making actual videos that I wanted to make, so I guess I kind of make this video to be… like a vent, or explanation on how my mind works, which would relieve me of worries.
So, where do I stand in this, after I talk of nonsense or perhaps madness inducing poet of mine? Well, the world isn’t fair, but at least it allows me to express myself like this, to those that watches me, and those that are suffering through a similar episode or stage of… emotions. Are those term correct?
Well, it’s just a little essay video I’d like to make, to perhaps express my worries, venting out my frustration.
Makes myself known to the world, something like that.
I just follow my feelings most of the time, so stuff like these make little to no sense, or maybe it does, to certain people.
But from now on, I’ll be making content based on my emotions, my… shifted perception of the world, my unique perspective.
It may not make much sense, but bear with me, and understand that I’m a unique person, with special… visions.
I wishes to make more content for this channel, just… look out in the future I guess, no promises though.
Going through this is… a unique experience, but also difficult.
Realizing that there are billions of us are quite… shocking, at least to me, but when I realize that, I know that my purpose won’t be in vain, maybe, I don’t know for sure.
But I know for a fact that as long as I keep going forward, I’ll find my success and my dream will be met.
For now, I guess… we’ll let the time pass, if I come up with something, you’d know. That’s it, that’s what I wanted to let out, whether it make sense or not."