EXIT

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ZeroPD

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Published on October 15, 2019 2:22:14 PM ● Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncOw0o40iFQ

Duration: 0:41

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In the years before the return of our lord and savior Shaquille O'neal, blessed be his name, the world remained divided amongst the heathen beliefs which existed before the glorious return

of Shaq.
In the far East of the West of Eurasia, in the land of the Rus and Gopniks, a man from Lubyanka by the name of Vlad 'The Lad' Putin rose to become Tsar of all Moscow.
And upon his ascension, Vlad the Lad Putin looked upon the world and saw that which would shame the holy name of Shaquille.
The world had been corrupted by the Capitalist Western-Union influences, with money bein the name o' the game, an millionaires be chillin' n' shit not carin' bout' the proletariat.
And Vlad did swear that the decadent westerners would fall before his invincible Muscovite army, and that he would bring socialist revolution to the people.
After this declaration, Vlad the Lad Putin was taken by himself into his chambers to meditate on accomplishing this holy task.
On the second fortnight of his meditation, Vlad was visited upon by the holy ghost of old Slavic god, Karl Marx.
And to him the holy ghost spoke thus, Fick Dich ins Knie.
And Vlad knew what must be done, and he waited for the holiest holiday of the old Russian-Orthodox calendar to begin his work.

On October 25, 2017, Vladimir Putin began his holy conquest against the decadent imperialist west with the invasion and subjugation of Poland.
But in this conquest, Vlad the Lad betrayed the holy word of Shaq and let forth upon the Chechens in his bid for conquest.
And so many of the faith were lost to the heathen hoards of the Russian Self-Defense Force.
And on that day Vlad the Lad Putin turned from the true faith towards neo-islamo-trotskyism.
The true-believers in Czechoslovakia resisted the bringer anti-Shaquille, for a time, but soon Vlad the Lad Putin crushed those wannabe poles.
And he did so valiantly, by seducing their elderly, and their infirm, and their hard-of-hearing, and also others.
Thus ended the first russo-jihad with the fall of eastern-Europe, excepting only Finland and the Balkans.

Shortly thereafter, Shaq called to Vladimir Putin and said unto him, Do not continue down this path, for it will lead to Maoism and ruin.
In his hubris Vlad did respond, But I have subjugated the Poles and Czechs with my massive throbbing russo-pogostick. Have I not proven myself the true champion of the faith?
And Shaq said, No, you have allied with Muslim Heathens and Hockey-Playing Heretics, you are not the Champion of the Faith.
And said Vlad the Lad, I will show you! I shall ally myself with ones who may bring victory over the bourgeoisie and westerners! I shall go to those in the east of the east and I shall

know them!
And Shaq replied, nah bruh.
And Shaquille O'neal removed himself from Vladimir Putin's presence.
Thus concluded the first apparition of Shaq before his return.

Many weeks did pass and Vlad the Lad Putin continued to forsake the sacral ritual-sport of b-ball.
And all who would attempt the sacred rites were unjustly punished by Vladimir Putin.
It was during this time that Vlad committed one of the sixteen unforgivable sins of Shaquille, he introduced to the common folk the seductive evil of Bandy, the unholy sacrificial sport

created by the heathen British, who refuse to acknowledge our lord Shaquille and B-Ball.
Never shall any of the true-believers be subjected to Bandy, nor should the heathens, nor heretics, nor any others, for it is a sport most vile, yet infectious, as a plague of spiders.
Neither Heretical Zelots, nor Zoroastrians, nor Jews, nor Christians, nor Muslims, nor Sikh, nor all others should be subjected to its evil, to do so is a sin.
Sin unforgivable, that which taints the psyche of those by whose hand it was wrought.
Hockey, Shinny, and Moscow Broomball, these three lesser sins are exempt from judgement absolute, Bandy shall not be counted amongst them.
All true to the faith shall heed this tenet, lest they be forsook by the holy dunker.
Lest they be forsook by the basket weaver.
Lest they be forsook by the Globetrotters.
...