LET'S COMPLETE ROLLERCOASTER FUNFARE IN UNDER 45 MINUTES
3I wasn't going to show this longplay until 2021 but... its 45 minutes of a very nothing game by the worst company to ever touch the PS2, Phoenix Games. I am fine with just giving you this now as the final longplay of 2020.
So, Rollercoaster Funfare. First of all, there's no rollercoasters in this game. Instead, it's 5 poorly made minigames that aren't enjoyable and are incredibly dumb and/or boring to deal with. So this description will just describe them all.
Airboats: It's a start to finish boat race where all you do is just drive forward and get to the finish line as fast as you can. Touching anything will slow you, including the AI who can easily get in the way at the beginning. Even if you did avoid touching anything, the top time given to you for this might be nigh-impossible just because of how long this track is to where a perfect run will still potentially be slower than the best time Phoenix put up.
Mini-Golf: This might aswell be the main mode. There's 10 courses in total, majority of them being awkward, weirdly themed in some cases and with a control system that sucks. You can barely tell how far your ball will go. There's no zoom function you can use, so shooting through the small holes and paths that pop up in the middle of this is incredibly difficult to do. The camera can easily get in the way sometimes. The camera will usually start off wonky and weird, too. There are camera controls, but it's mainly for moving the camera around and that's it. And the highscores are so easy to beat, you can make multiple big screw ups and still be number 1 on the board.
Saloon: A short, poor target shooter. There's apparently bonus points, however the game, and manual, never tell you what they are. The obvious is to shoot the guys with guns aimed at you, and don't shoot the sheriff and damsel. And that's it. You reload every now and then and keep shooting until time runs out. It does go faster overtime, but they leave the targets up so long that you have well than enough time to react. And the best part is that there's no gun-con support with this, so you have to shoot with the controller. It's as awkward as you think.
Bump Cars: Yes, "Bump Cars". Not Bumper Cars, just Bump Cars. All you do here is drive around, not taking damage, for as long as you can. There's 3 red cars chasing you to damage you. The best time is 1 minute. You can easily beat this and be in the minigame forever just by doing a circle in the middle of the arena forever. The AI cannot touch you at that point. It's really bad.
Football: No, this isn't a normal football game, though my skill in it is just as bad. This is just tabletop football, except you control ALL the sticks at once, the controls are terrible and stiff as hell and you have to focus on everything at once, which isn't easy. The game only ends after 11 goals from either side, and it got so bad and boring that i literally gave up and let go of the controller, just wanting the AI to take the win and end this already. The AI is so erratic and dumb though, they can just as easily shoot the ball in their own goal without me doing a damn thing. This is also the only minigame without a leaderboard.
Commentary track coming soon.
And that's it. It is a very poor collection of 5 minigames, akin to those terrible kids PC games from back then where you wonder if what they just downloaded is actually infected with a virus or not and they only play it for a day to a week before forgetting about it entirely. I came here expecting a Rollercoaster Tycoon ripoff. All i get is a pile of dung instead. Thanks, Phoenix Games.
#Longplay #RollercoasterFunfare #PS2