Shark Attack Gun, The Shark Waaagh PART 01 (40k Audiobook)
46This is a fan made 40k audio book written by Tom Zimbardo AKA Mostly Zen and performed by 40k Epic Narrator. A Warhammer 40,000 Ork audio drama.
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The Shark Attack Gun
Part 01 - It Needs More Dakka
Warboss Zagrub looked over at the Great Gargant as it was being assembled. Already its hulking steel belly was taking form, and hundreds of grots and boyz clambered all over it, welding, riveting and hammering the incarnation of Gork into being, while meks yelled instructions, and pointed to drawings the boyz could never hope to understand. Zagrub could feel the Waaagh building.
“Itz gud,” Zagrub nodded, “But it needz moar Dakka.”
“But Boss!” Complained the chief mek, sweating nervously, “Itz already got da biggest belly gun I’z ever made. Itz big enuf fer a grot to stand up in. One of da boyz got stuck in dere and we ‘ad to chop ‘iz legs off to get ‘im out again!”
Zagrub looked suspiciously at his chief mek. Zagrub knew that the mek was also building his own Gargant and didn’t want any special “Bitz” to go on the mek-boy Gargant that wasn’t already on his. At a bigger scale.
“It. Needz. Moar. DAKKA!” Zagrub bellowed at his Mek, making the smaller ork cringe and grimace.
“Okay boss! Okay! Whatever you sayz boss,” the mek practically sang, desperate to avoid his master’s wrath.
“I wantz one of dem Lifta Droppaz, like you mekboys make, on da left arm, but rilly rilly big,” the Warboss explained, “And den, on da left shoulder, da Biggest Shark Attack Gun youz ever seen!”
Zagrub held his arms out wide as if miming a gun as big as the Gargant was wide, or maybe bigger. His face broke into a manic toothy grin, no doubt imagining the carnage his new gun would cause.
“Er... boss?” asked one of the assistant meks tentatively, “Are yer sure yer don’t mean a Shokk Attack Gun? Yer see, a *Shokk* attack gun iz when a flashy git sends a load of grotz and snotz fru da Warp an’ dey appears inside whatever you wantz to crump, all Gribbin and deemonical wiv tentacles and eyeballs an’ stuff an... Aasrgfhhghggjfj...”
The assistant mek never finished his explanation of the workings of the Shokk Attack Gun, as the Warboss grabbed his head with a power claw and squeezed it until the bones went pop.
“DO YOUZ MEK-BOYS FINK WARBOSS ZAGRUB IZ STOOPID?”
“No boss! No!” The chief mek and all of his remaining assistants chorused, suddenly developing an interest in whatever was at their feet.
“I knowz you iz makin’ a mekboy Gargant,” Zagrub continued, gritting his teeth and gripping the lifeless corpse of the assistant mek in his power klaw while the servos whined and whistled. “An’ I knowz youz iz buildin’ a Gargant sized Shark Attack Gun for it. I ‘az spiez! I iz a Warboss!”
The chief mek and second mate shared a quick sideways glance at each other, but looked away as the boss carried on with his ranting. They had learned long ago never to interrupt or question his commands.
“I WANTZ YOUZ TO BUILD DA BIGGEST SHARK ATTACK GUN DAT ORK-KIND AZ EVER SEENZ! ‘AN DEN WE IZ GONNA SEND MEGA-SHARKS FRU DA WARP TO CRUMP DA HUMIES WIV SHARKS ON DERE INSIDEZ!”
The meks were all completely dumbfounded. They couldn’t have even thought of anything to say, even if the threat of immanent death were not hanging over them all. Eventually, the chief mek broke the silence.“WAAAAAAAARGH!” He simply cried.
“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGRHFHFHHAAAAAAAARGGH!” Yelled all the meks, joined by the Warboss, and his retinue. Soon the entire Gargant scrapyard were yelling the primal Ork war cry, and psychic energy filled the air, making the Orks even more excitable and determined.
“An I don’t wantz no slow loadin’ Shark Attack Gun,” the Warboss explained, “I wants,” he paused, counting on his fingers for a moment, “Fifty sharks a minute.” And with that, Warboss Zagrub and his retinue of meganobs and flash gitz marched off to inspect the other Gargants being assembled.
“Oh Mork!” The chief mek cried, holding his head in his hands once he was sure the Warboss was out of earshot, “How iz I gonna make a Shark Attack Gun?”