So, It's Another Channel Update.
308So here we are again. I know, I know, I seem like the type of fella who has no idea what he's doing, and you'd be totally right on that. I'm also still not sure if I said exactly what I wanted to say in this video; the longer I think about it, the more likely I'm gonna retry making it, which means more delay. So here I am uploading it before I get to that point. Again.
I know that I've already talked about some of the points in this video many times before, and if one takes a look at all the previous "channel update"-like videos on my channel, I sound like a broken record. Honestly, I should probably stop making such a big fuss about these types of things and save ya'll the trouble of a lost man's ramblings and actually start talking my problems away on Twitter or something. That usually seems to be what everyone else does.
In all honesty though, I'm quite positive that the lack of focus and drive I have despite my ambitions is due to a rather strong underlying presence of depression, which seems so common in this day and age that it's pretty much a cliché nowadays. It's kinda ironic how sad that is. I keep on going on and on about wanting to be someone special, yet time and time again I keep proving to myself that that's not going to happen. It's honestly just been a bunch of strongly demoralizing experiences stacked on top of each other over and over again.
This video *does* actually serve a purpose to inform you all that WoW videos are not gonna be a thing anymore, but honestly the main drive for me to make this video was probably just to vent to someone/anyone in general about things. However, I still have to hold myself back on a bunch of things due to the privacy of not particularly myself, but of others. It is mega frustrating to have to do that all the time, and it's probably not helping my own mental situation.
I really, really hope I don't make anymore of these types of videos where I feel the need to ramble about ambitions without actually following up on them. It's an *extreme* disappointment for myself when I find that I can't live up to what/who I want to be on a daily basis. I want to actually be able to show something from all my talks of goals and such. I've said it so many times to not just myself, but even in public via previous YouTube videos in hopes that I'd do some weird mind shenanigans to get myself really going. But honestly, despite all my efforts, I still have this strong sense of apathy towards everything that seems to be just one of the many mental barriers keeping me from truly achieving anything of note.
I know there's a lot more that I want to say, but right now, the thoughts are coming in as a jumbled mess and this whole description will cap out at being a really, really long nonsensical ramble about disappointment, sadness, and other negative things if I keep going. So to anyone who's read the description of me yelling nothings into the world, thank you for your time, and sorry for being a bit of a downer.