Game:

Bulletstorm (2011)

Duration: 28:37

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In Bulletstorm, you play as a violent fuck-up of a manchild who alternates between firearm-centric grace and efficiency and supreme incompetence when he's not demonstrating how crass and ineloquent he is every time he opens his mouth. I hate feeling redundant.

At no point do I claim to be an expert on what does or doesn't make a good port, but when there's no console, encrypted .ini files, a framerate of 30 FPS (at least when recording) and you can't use your mouse to navigate menus in-game... yeah, those are some warning flags. What you're seeing here is the game out of the box, warts and all, with no tweaks, and at the very least I've seen worse. Said state has been described as running "like a quadriplegic at the special Olympics," though, one of those wonderful bits of hyperbole that endears developers to the player base and doesn't add any fuel at all to the claims that gamers are whiny, entitled shitbags.

One of these days I need to get into the habit of playing the first mission, then stopping and checking to see if the audio is okay instead of, say, getting sucked into it and playing for three hours. Which doesn't say much for these videos, but it says a hell of a lot about the game proper.

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