Bedtime Stories - If You Give Lara Croft a Cookie (TOMB RAIDER PARODY FAN STORYBOOK, ASMR)
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If You Give Lara Croft a Cookie - By Sensei Pong
1 - If you give Lara Croft a Cookie, she'll say, “Thank you very much.”
Then she'll probably become a little thirsty and ask you for some coffee.
2 - She'll sip on her coffee and say, “That's good, I'll need that for my job.”
And before you can ask, she'll say, “I'm off to find lost treasure.”
3 - You follow Lara in curiosity and watch her grab her pistol, and after looking for a while;
Lara will ask, “Have you seen my bow?”
4 - When you hand Lara Croft her bow and some arrows, she'll ask you where a canteen is for water.
Then when you hand her a canteen, she'll probably ask you for a phone.
5 - If you give Lara Croft a phone, she'll call a taxi to your door.
And when that taxi comes, she'll hand you a backpack full of supplies and ask if you would like to come along.
6 - At the airport, you'll follow Lara on a plane headed for a far exotic land.
Deep into the jungles and up to the top of a mountain you'll trek, and you'll ask Lara, “Where are we going?”
7 - At the top of the mountain, Lara will point to a hidden temple and tell you, “Into that lair. That is where the treasure lies.”
8 - After some fancy climbing, a hop and skip on precarious ledges, Lara Croft will open the door to the hidden ruins and tell you to watch your step.
9 - And if you let Lara Croft lead your expedition, she'll deactivate all the traps.
And if you let Lara Croft lead your exploration, she'll find a treasure chest.
10 - And if Lara Croft studies the treasure chest, she'll find out that it's been locked.
Then you'll look around the temple for the key, but Lara will probably do most of the work.
11- And when you and Lara find the key, Lara will lead you back to the chest.
Then Lara will open the old treasure chest and find an ancient artifact and ask you to put it in you backpack.
12 - If you let Lara Croft lead your journey further, you'll head deeper in the ruins to find a secret jungle.
Then in the depths of that secret jungle you may hear a fearsome roar.
13 - And if you and Lara hear that fearsome roar, you'll tremble in your boots.
The ground may rumble and the trees may shake, but Lara will look determined.
14 - You may be scared and stutter your words, as you glance to Lara and ask,
“What's in the shadows of the bush?”
15 - But Lara will smile, and reassure, and tell you, “I've got this. Now shush.”
16 - And if Lara tells you that, “she's got this and shush.” You'll wait in the foliage of the jungle waiting for...
17 - A T-REX!
18 - And if you find a T-Rex, you'll probably panic and step back a little.
But Lara will charge the monster with her pistols and fight a furious battle.
19 - And if Lara fights the T-Rex, she'll whip and shoot angering the giant further.
Until after the scuffle, Lara will probably win. And for the sake of science, exploration, and rows of really sharp, sharp teeth.
That's a good thing.
20 - And if Lara beats the T-Rex away, she'll ask you to follow further.
21 - You don't really have a choice at this point... because you'd probably forget where the exit was.
22 - And if you follow Lara through the ruins, it'll be clear that at the end was a tomb.
And if you and Lara reach the tomb, she'll tell you what she found.
23 - A lost legendary artifact of a great civilization, forgotten to world history.
Then Lara will pick up the artifact and hand it to you to place it in your backpack.
24 - And when you and Lara find the artifact, she'll tell you that your journey was finally done.
That the mission was a success, that it's time to find the exit, and that it's finally time to leave the ruins.
25 – And if the journey was a success, and Lara is glad, you'll travel back to the airport.
You'll fly with Lara on a plane, headed for home sweet home.
26 - And when you finally reach home and Lara gives the treasure to the museum, you will be very tired.
Then if you're tired, you'll probably be hungry, and proceed to find a snack.
27 - And when you find a snack, Lara Croft will probably be hungry too.
28 - And if Lara Croft is hungry, you'll probably give her a cookie.
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