Duration: 5:01

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TL;DR am depressed and have gone through a lot of shit, I'm sorry.

Hi, I'm MrPartyWaffle.

So as you can probably tell this is a strange way to talk to you, but it seems to be the only way I can consistently talk without getting worked up and stressed out, as I finish typing this up right now I second guess myself and just want to scrap it and go back to bed, that's anxiety for you.

I've been gone for sometime now, and I have been wanting to try and explain that, as some of you may have noticed some stuff has changed between before the end of December 2011 and after.

It was on the 29th of December 2011, my mother passed away from Cancer, I had a difficult time recording anything which is why my uploads became sparse and let's be honest boring.

Her passing destroyed my world. Before she passed away, I lied to myself, I convinced myself she was going to be fine, it was only when she actually went to the Hospice I started feeling the terror of what was going on, she was only there for two days before she passed quietly in her sleep.

I remember that night I wanted to go watch movies with her at the hospice the following morning my dad was going to take me. We walked over to get Chinese food we knew the family that runs the place and they made us good food, while we were gone he got a call from the hospice telling him that she had just passed away, my dad never told us when we got back he waited until after we ate I should have known something was wrong he didn't eat.

I barely even talked to anyone about the passing, I just kept it inside, and kept trying to escape through games and my videos and it just wasn't working, since then I have just been working.

And even worse my father this year on the 2nd of July 2018, had a brain bleed in the Broca causing him a great amount of brain damage, I was told he was going to die, and that a decision on whether he stay on life support or comfort until he dies, I don't care how old you are that is a horrid decision to make. He is currently at home mostly comfortable but has great difficulty forming sentences and remembering new things,

Grief is a difficult thing to deal with alone, please don't go through these things alone, talk to your parents you siblings or even your friends, don't go it alone.

For those of you who read this long, thank you for giving me your time, I couldn't bring myself to make an actual recording, so I hope the rain from last night is acceptable, I don't know if I can really get back into this I will try but I want to be happy to do so.

"If you have light on light, you have nothing. If you have dark on dark, you basically have nothing. Just like in life. You gotta have a little sadness once in a while so you know when the good times come. I'm waiting on the good times now" - Bob Ross