♫ Missing You ♫

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Infin

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1,290

Published on June 21, 2022 3:42:36 PM ● Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrvGAOzaCEE

Duration: 3:51

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46

Edit/Update: we are friends again 💚
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Just getting some thoughts out of my head...

Sometimes you meet someone who you "click" with and become absolutely enamoured with them - you're caught up with feeling happier than you've ever felt before, that you don't realise things are slipping. You start off by refusing to see the toxicity seeping out from yourself, because it stems from places that are difficult to admit to yourself - jealousy, self-hatred, craving validation, attention-seeking,,, being scared of losing them.

You end up making them feel awful and pushing them away from doing the things they want to do, making the things they want to make, and being the person who they want to be. Making them feel bad about even just talking to other friends. Becoming obsessive. And you let it go on far too long, because seeking help means directly confronting this side of yourself which is scary. Eventually you have to let go, because you're only hurting them. And hurting yourself. And they're doing things to hurt you, as difficult as it is for either side to admit to.

. . .

Half a year later they're still in your head all the time, and you can't hide from how enamoured you feel about them. You're sure you want to try talking to them again - but there's a nagging voice in the back of your head which keeps reminding you of lyrics from AJR's song "Turning Out Pt. ii"

I think I probably wasn't in love with you
I think I probably loved the idea of you
And though I may be wishing it wasn't true
I think I probably wasn't in love with you

And honestly, who knows if they'd even want to be friends with you again

--- --- --- --- ---

I have no idea if they'll even see or read this, but on the slight chance that they do - I am so sorry. I became unbelievably toxic towards you, and you don't deserve any of what I did toward you. From the bottom of my heart, I wish you the best with your creative endeavours and hope you can achieve everything you set out to. THAT'S what you deserve. Not being treated the way I behaved. I'm sorry

Thank you for being my friend

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