Possibilities (A Song of Loss) - Twitch Improv
84Around two months ago I had a miscarriage. I didn’t speak out about it publicly, but I made a song about it on-stream. My Patreon + Twitch communities knew I had suffered a loss, just not what kind exactly. They still lifted me up. It was a single most excruciating experience of my life.
I’m in therapy these days and now I’m aware that I tend to be a “survivor” - I repress my bad memories and experiences and just soldier on. I’m already having a hard time remembering the details of this event. I avoid thinking about it. But when I do, I still cry.
I’m posting this improv and opening up about my experience because I don’t want to “forget”. And also because I hope this may help someone going through a similar experience. It doesn’t have to be about miscarriage, specifically, although it was for me. It can be any deeply felt loss.
Two years ago a dear friend of mine, a Japanese-American woman whose name was Tamiko, passed away in her sleep in Los Angeles. I never really got to properly mourn her. I found out about her passing from her partner who told me she had been planning to come see me and my daughter in Japan, where she hadn’t been for years. She was like my surrogate mother in LA.
Tamiko, this song is for you and my lost baby. It’s about the lost possibilities we mourn. I miss you and I’m so sorry I didn’t get to see you both.
I’m crying as I’m writing this after uploading the video from my iPhone. All I know is because of Covid many people all around the world have lost their loved ones. I don’t have any particular words of promise or comfort, except I know now that you must grieve your loss, grieve it and give it time.
Much love to you all,
Elly