Star Wars ft. IRL Joe - Part 1: A Cavalcade of Indifference - MCIHAD
2Joe from Instant Replay Live takes on the odious task of being the third share of ballast in the trifecta of algebraic cultural flotsam that is the Mom, Can I Have Another Dollar? crew. Fittingly, herein is showcased a separate article of cultural flotsam: the Star Wars arcade game. (And by ‘the’ we of course mean ‘one of innumerable.’) Joe’s initial show of enthusiasm is commendable but wasted on the indifferent husks of humanity he shares waveforms with this time out, as the capacity for joy and childlike wonder has long since vacated the tenebrous void from which their souls bailed out when they were scarcely sexually viable. Thrill at the old timey draw distance of about 5 feet!
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The gameplay has two main themes: reenactments from each of the first three Star Wars movies, consisting of two missions each; and two boss battles against Darth Vader and Boba Fett.
Normal gameplay involves the player moving a crosshair around the screen using a joystick and pressing the fire button atop the joystick to shoot. A "special event" button lights at certain points of the game and when pressed, triggers an event to happen onscreen. The game puts the player in several key battles of the Star Wars films with one mission for each original Star Wars film. The player selects which film's mission to play first and each mission has three parts.[2]
The A New Hope mission reenacts the final space battle at Yavin, with Luke Skywalker piloting an X-wing fighter against TIE fighters. The second part of the mission involves flying along the Death Star's surface, shooting TIE fighters and XX-9 heavy turbolaser turret guns, and confronting Darth Vader's TIE fighter. The third part of the mission pits the player within the battle station's trench, using proton torpedoes aimed at the exhaust port to destroy the Death Star.[2]
In The Empire Strikes Back mission, the player reenacts the film's opening battle on Hoth. The first part of the mission involves shooting AT-ST walkers and probe droids, and helping other snowspeeders to take down the giant AT-AT walkers. The second part of the mission reenacts the escape from Hoth, running through corridors of the rebel base, shooting snowtroopers and wampas while traveling to the Millennium Falcon. The third part of the mission takes place in the hangar, again shooting snowtroopers and one last wampa before escaping.
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