4fterword
3Art:
NekoPandaWolf: https://twitter.com/nekopandawolf?s=20&t=XoFYJFmC0_A9n4ClHsJFSQ
My friends caught me 'channeling'.
I was getting more information out of the spirits that were ragdolling my body around. It was more about me, and my life with Vincent. My life as a member of Rose Gold, an emo band that this town was getting more and more aware of. I was the bassist, but I was also the lead vocalist. I had trouble with it at first, but I was absolutely selling it.
Wish I could still play bass. I forget how.
Then you had Vinny on lead guitar, and the brains behind most of the lyrics. Eddy Lotts was the drummer, Sean Halloway was on rhythm guitar. People liked our band, our sound, and I was happy to see people show up to our gigs, cheering for us.
But it wasn't... perfect.
Behind the scenes, things were shaky. Eddy didn't like the direction things were going in. Sean wanted to write more songs. It seemed like over time, those two, cool people normally, would just fight with Vinny every day. I didn't know what it was, but Vincent was the one in charge. Vincent was the one that brought us all together, and he made sure everyone knew that. Some people could even say that my boyfriend and I were the face of the band, but...
I wasn't really the kind of person that could take charge or lead the way. At least, I didn't think so. Vincent didn't think so either. He'd tell me exactly where my place was, and it felt good, because it fit like I wanted it to. I knew where I was. Vinny put me there, and all was well for me.
So when Sean quit the band, at first, I just kept quiet. The screaming had stopped. Vincent was livid. And Eddy gave me this... look.
"Why aren't you doing anything?" That's the look he gave me.
A little while later, I told Vincent that I'd talk to Sean. He was against it, naturally. The heat was still there, I could tell. But...
"If he doesn't want to be in my band, that's his problem. He can do whatever he wants."
"But we need him."
"I don't need him. Do you need him?"
"Yeah, because-"
"More than me?"
"...Vinny, you know I didn't mean that. But what are we gonna do, just re-record all our songs? That's too much for just us."
"Why are you pushing this so hard?"
"Because... I-I dunno. I feel like I have to do something. He's our friend, isn't he?"
"...You think that's gonna work out? Just talking to him?"
"Unless you have someone that can play better than him... Just... Relax, Vinny. You do so much for this band, but I'm a part of it too, and I want to help."
"...Fine. We'll see how that works out."
So then, I call Sean and set up a talk, to figure all this out.
He crashed his car the morning of.
The funeral was a tearful one for me, like everyone except Vincent. He didn't normally show those kinds of emotions, but I could feel it on him. He was just as worked up as the rest of us. Eddy was a lot quieter in the coming months. I did what I'd done with my mother, and holed up in my room for about a month. Vinny, well... I guess his mourning language is clubbing.
It wasn't much longer after that when arguments started up again. Vinny and Eddy were at each other's throats all the time. A part of me was afraid that he'd die like Sean did if he quit the band. It was superstition, but I did whatever I could to make nice anyway. Vinny didn't like that. I told him what I thought. He told me that I didn't need to think.
It didn't matter anyway. Eddy got killed in his own home.
I was sad when Sean passed. I straight-up cried when Eddy left us.
I was finally out of my own mind, when I realized that I wasn't alone. Some friends came to the cemetery to play games. And here I was, bawling over a passed memory that felt fresher than new.
I tried to tell them not to worry. I knew they would anyway.