A Hollow Game Review: DOOM (2016) - Singleplayer | RIP AND TEAR!
136DOOM (2016) belongs to id Software, Bethesda Softworks, and ZeniMax Media. Any footage used is meant for non-profit use in critique and criticism. This is just an anime review, people!
End Song: "Hangarmageddon (E1M1)" by Evil Horde (from The Dark Side of Phobos DOOM Remix Project)
You can find it here: http://doom.ocremix.org/main.html
Song used in review: "Bad Religion" by Motorhead (from the March Or Die album).
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VIDEO-GAMES ARE GREAT! YEAH! I LOVE VIDEO-GAMES! They are so cool with their cotton-candy and hopscotch and how they feature burrito-shaped music boxes that summon alien portals to far away galaxies where the laws of physics no longer apply. Video-games are just the coolest! AWESOME! So yeah, I got the chance to finally play the DOOM reboot and sure, the game is awesome and awesome and awesome and awesome and awesome and awesome and awesome and awesome and awesome and awesome and awesome and awesome and awesome and awesome and awesome and awesome and awesome and awesome and awesome and awesome and awesome and awesome and awesome and awesome and awesome and awesome and awesome and awesome and awesome and awesome and awesome and awesome and awesome and awesome and awesome and- OH YEAH, did I say it was awesome? Seriously, did I say it was awesome? I'm having a hard time remembering if I said it or not. Wait... OH NO! COULD IT BE? HAVE THE JELLY SNAILS FROM HOBERCOPOLIS PRIME MESS WITH MY MEMORIES?! IS THIS PAYBACK FOR THAT TIME I VISITED THEIR ALIEN HOME WORLD AND STARTED BOUNCING ON THEIR JELLY DOGS BECAUSE I THOUGHT DOING SO WOULD GIVE ME A NEW PAIR OF SOCKS?! WHAT THE HELL, HOBERCOPOLIANS?! HOW WAS SUPPOSED TO KNOW?!
Well, looks like I'll have to go on another planetary genocide now. I've had it with those jelly assholes! THEY MESSED WITH MY MEMORIES! I CANNOT FORGIVE THAT... I think. Huh... what was I going to say? Wait, what as I going to do? OH! THE DOOM REVIEW! How could I forget?! I feel like I was about to do something else, but I can't recall what it was. Oh well, I guess there are more pressing matters to attend to. So yeah, the new DOOM game came out and was fun as hell. Shooting demons, ripping and tearing huge guts and all that jazz was a real good time. Man, if only Master Chief could do all these things, maybe that would have helped Halo 5's story. Just Master Chief, going around a planet, ripping and tearing guts. That's some Academy Awards level shit right there! But yeah, DOOM was great, especially when drinking this nice can of soda made by the squirrel people of Saturn. Yeah, Saturn has squirrel people on it! SHOCKING HUH?! I know because I've been there using my galactic jet whale; I bought him at a nice bargain.
I still feel like I forgot something important, though. Maybe I'll remember after I play more DOOM. Time to give those demons the genocide they deserve! YEAH!
*Plays DOOM, memories pop back*
WAIT! I JUST REMEMBERED WHAT I HAD JUST FORGOTTEN!!! MY YOGURT... IS IN THE MICROWAVE!!
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Clips from:
- DOOM [2016] (id Software & Bethesda Softworks & ZeniMax Media)
- DOOM [1993] (id Software & Bethesda Softworks & ZeniMax Media)
- DOOM II: Hell on Earth (id Software & Bethesda Softworks & ZeniMax Media)
- DOOM 3 (id Software & Bethesda Softworks & ZeniMax Media)
- Metro 2033 Redux (4A Games & Deep Silver)
- Half-Life 2 (Valve Software)
- Black Mesa (Crowbar Collective & Valve Software)
- Crysis 2 (Crytek & Electronic Arts)
- Transistor (Supergiant Games)
- Undertale (Toby Fox)
- Crimzon Clover: WORLD IGNITION (YOTSUBANE & Degica)
- Kobato. (Madhouse & Sentai Filmworks & NHK)
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