Ao kabeDOES what Koyori kabeDON'T
420hololive's Hiodoshi Ao performs the ancient art of 'wall bang'.
Original stream: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zd5MxT_WM_g
@HiodoshiAo
@HakuiKoyori
Ao sat in her bean-bag chair, eyeing the evidence of her many failed attempts at romance. Withered bouquets of roses formed a compost heap in her sink; empty boxes of chocolate dotted her floor like the shucked shells of oysters; crumpled movie tickets to romcoms spilled out of her wastebasket like failed attempts at origami. She looked away languidly and locked eyes with her own reflection in one of the two dozen mirrors she had set up around her apartment. The sight of her own face cheered her up instantly.
“Hey, Good-lookin’,” said her reflection, winking. “I must’ve died and gone to Heaven, ‘cause I’ll be damned if there’s not an angel sitting right before my very eyes.”
“Oh, stop,” she said to her reflection. She smiled coyly. “Just kidding. Go on.”
By sheer coincidence, her reflection had the same coy smile on her own face. “What’s a hunk like you doing alone on a Friday night, anyway? You should be out there, you Lothario, you! Just think of all those poor Princesses you’re depriving of your presence.” Her reflection shook her head. Ao mirrored her and did the same. “Instead, you just sit here in your dingy, dark hole. For shame, Ao-kun! For shame.” Her reflection leaned forward, and Ao did the same. “You’re better than this.”
“I am,” said Ao.
“You’re tall.”
“Like an ostrich.”
“Handsome.”
“Like an ostrich.”
“You can draw.”
“Like Picasso.”
“What’s not to like?”
“Nothing, that’s what.”
“Well?” said her reflection, crossing her arms. “Why are you still here?”
Ao had left her apartment without even locking it behind her and was now standing in the foyer, her hand on the door of the main entrance to the building. Her blood was up. Her pupils were wide like a cat’s after a good hit of the dankest nip. She was ready to pounce on the first passerby in the same way a trapdoor spider might ambuscade a wayward cockroach. She sniffed the air, her nose so attuned to floral perfume and citrus shampoo that it made a blood-seeking shark seem like a rock with a stuffy nose. She caught a scent and stiffened.
“Pink hair. Likes science and nerdy stuff. Name starts with…” She sniffed the air once more. “K. Definitely a K. Kamara? No. Katharine? No, not that either. Koyori?” A smile slithered across her face. “Bingo.”
Rounding the block at just that moment was one Dr. Hakui. She had just spent a long and fulfilling day at ‘Amphibia-palooza’. She wore a T-shirt under her lab coat that read ‘Toadly Tubular!’ under the picture of a cartoon hedgehog in a frog suit. She swung a swag bag filled with newt plushies and salamander Pez Dispensers as she skipped down the street like a schoolgirl after a fun field trip.
“What a wonderful day it has been!” she chirped. “I got to meet so many nice people, all of them amphibian aficionados just like me! I can’t wait to get home and tell my Assistants all about it!” She sighed contentedly. “Yep. The only thing that could ruin this perfect day would be if some creep burst out of one of these apartment buildings and tried to lay the moves on me.” She laughed. “As if that would happen!”
Just then, Ao burst from one of the apartment buildings, garbling like a rabid wolverine, before screaming at the top of her lungs, “Are you a coyote!? ‘Cause you sure smell like one!”
Koyori shrieked and reached into her swag bag. She pulled out a syringe full of frog DNA and jabbed it into Ao’s arm, where it stuck quivering like a dart. Ao looked at the syringe with a mixture of curiosity and concern, as though it were a mole that hadn’t been there before.
“I’m so sorry,” said Koyori. “I didn’t mean to…”
Ao smiled. She knew a perfect moment when she saw one. All she had to do was say the right thing and this maiden’s heart would melt like cheese fondue. She reached out and took Koyori’s chin in her hand and tilted her head up so they could look in one another’s eyes. She sighed wistfully, and prepared to speak the words that would forever absolve her of all her romantic failings.
She opened her mouth and, instead of whispering her honeyed words, croaked, “Ribbit.”