Archibald & Rebus: Minor Lords
0Do you want two decent, honorable, trustworthy lords to look after your castle while you head off on a crusade or hide out for a while because everyone thinks your wife is a witch? Well, look no further than Archibald & Rebus: Minor Lords: the best bloody castle defenders in the whole of England. Don't believe us? Well, then how about this, if you let us stay at your castle we will do all this FOR FREE:
Defend it from wild animals and potentially smelly squatters -- seriously, there is nothing worse than coming back to your castle to find a squatter cooking a goat in your fireplace. We will ABSOLUTELY stop them doing this.
Build powerful towers along the path to your castle -- yep, we're good with tools and blueprints so can build a range of weapons that will crush those pesky enemies into the ground. We're so brilliant at military tactics that we'll even build them in strategic positions. How good is that? Answer: it's INCREDIBLE!
Upgrade the towers -- what's that? You want your towers to have more crushingness (check if that's a word Archibald before you post this)? Well, we will totally upgrade those defenses using the cash we get from destroying bad guys -- and robbing merchants - so you don't even have to worry about being out of pocket.
Decorate the place -- yeah, you read that right. Archibald is handy with a paintbrush, so he will definitely customize your castle with new windows, a different colored door, turrets... you name it, Archibald will whip out his paint faster than a wench drops her knickers. You can then show your customized abode to all your friends, so they're super jealous.
Boast about your amazing achievements -- we've got these magical systems called Game Center and OpenFeint that display your incredible skills to people across the globe. We have no idea how it works BUT IT DOES.
Capture a load of rabid badgers and then launch them from a catapult at attackers -- seriously...
So, there you have it, Archibald and I would make the absolute perfect guests for any castle, large or small.
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