Game:

Blast Corps (1997)

Duration: 4:59

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5

Oh boy, the Sideswipe! ...I can barely contain my excitement for what surely could've been done more efficiently with basically any other vehicle! ...except maybe the Backlash. Although I'm almost positive even that would have greater peak efficiency... it's just that it'll take several tries to actually swing that peak efficiency, and with greater frustration. So... thanks, Sideswipe, for not being the Backlash yet again! (Don't worry, we'll see that thing more than we ever cared to anyway.)

Okay, so I think even that's a little over the line, because I don't really hate the Sideswipe at all... it's just weird. It naturally lends itself to all kinds of "what were you thinking?" sorts of questions. However, I'm beginning to notice a trend... it was obviously made for crushing the monotonous tedium of small-scale wide-area construction. In other words, it was the absolute most logical response to suburban sprawl and office parks. Those uninspired monuments to uniformity and order are going down!

I'd also point out, in case it hasn't happened already... the Sideswipe has a very unique and winding handling style... but at the same time, it maintains a bizarrely smooth and consistent speed. It's not going to win any awards for its sluggish rate of travel or just slightly wide and uncompromising turns necessary for its weaponized trailer... but still, the movements feel somewhat... hypnotic. I am the snake charmer and I am being charmed likewise by this snake! (Does it still work that way if I've clearly become aware of what's going on here?)

Anyway, the really weird thing is how I could manage to completely avoid noticing the Thunderfist until it was conveniently impossible to set it free... and this is doubly irritating because I vaguely remember this having been a thing that was done specifically in some stage or another... and I guess that stage is here and now. Actually, the Blast Corps transportation chiefs seem to have a funny habit of hiding the Thunderfist inside of buildings without actually telling anyone, so I guess it's their way of trying to "help" with the overall secondary goal of total destruction... "thanks" guys.

Of course, a really big hint should've been just how difficult it was to destroy certain buildings at this point, but I really just believed it was because I was hitting with the rams not properly extended... and then the REALLY big buildings came up and I just kept doing the same thing with minimal results. I'm actually slightly impressed I got a reaction out of the building at all, seeing as how it DID take on the "I'm starting to break a little bit!" discoloration effect. That said, please don't try that at home, because it's just silly and a little bit frustrating and embarrassing a realization.

The thing that surprises me most is JUST after I paid him a compliment for his effectiveness and punctuality of his warning last stage, there's basically NO real warning for this case. Must be some weird misinterpretation of coordinates for building edges.

Anyway, if you can transfer vehicles without weird incident, everything just crumbles for the Thunderfist... with time left enough for some weirdly robotic(imagine that!) fist pumps.

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