Can't Sex The Bear :( | Five Night's At Freddy's
1Mark: Hello everybody, my name is Markiplier and welcome to Five Nights at Freddy's, an indie horror game that you guys suggested, en masse, and I saw that Yamimash played it and he said it was really really good... So I'm very eager to see what is up. And that is a terrifying animatronic bear! 'Family pizzeria looking for security guard to work the nightshift.' Oh... 12 a.m. The first night. If I didn't wanna stay the first night, why would I stay any more than... five... Why I stay any more than two- hello? Okay...
Phone rings
Mark: Hello?... Hello? Oh, oh I can't move. That is a creepy skull, there's creepy things on the wall. Oh, hello.
Phone Guy: Hello?
Mark: Hi!
Phone Guy: Hello, hello?
Mark: HI!
Phone Guy: Uh, I wanted to record a message for you to help you get settled in on your first night.
Mark: Ugh...
Phone Guy: Um, I actually worked in that office before you.
Mark: Ah...
Phone Guy: I'm finishing up my last week now, as a matter of fact.
Mark: Hm?
Phone Guy: So, I know it can be a bit overwhelming...
Mark: Ugh! U-hu-hu...
Phone Guy: ...but I'm here to tell you there's nothing to worry about.
Mark: Eh...
Phone Guy: Uh, you'll do fine. So, let's just focus on getting you through your first week.
Mark: Okay, sounds g- Okay...
Phone Guy: Okay? Uh, let's see, first there's an introductory greeting from the company that I'm supposed to read.
Mark: Mm-hm.
Phone Guy: Uh, it's kind of a legal thing, you know. Um, "Welcome to Freddy Fazbear's Pizza.
Mark: Okay.
Phone Guy: A magical place for kids and grown-ups alike...
Mark: (Scared laughing)
Phone Guy: where fantasy and fun come to life.
Mark: Ughuh!
Phone Guy: Fazbear Entertainment is not responsible for damage to property or person. Upon discovering that damage or death has occurred, a missing person report will be filed within 90 days, or as soon property and premises have been thoroughly cleaned and bleached, and the carpets have been replaced.
Mark: (panicking)
Phone Guy: Blah blah blah, now that might sound bad, I know...
Mark: Yeah!
Phone Guy: ...but there's really nothing to worry about. Uh, the animatronic characters here do get a bit quirky at night, but do I blame them? No.
Mark: (Scared laughing)
Phone Guy: If I were forced to sing those same stupid songs for twenty years and I never got a bath? I'd probably be a bit irritable at night too. So, remember, these characters hold a special place in the hearts of children and we need to show them a little respect, right?
Mark: Okay!
Phone Guy: Okay.
Mark: Okay...
Phone Guy: So, just be aware, the characters do tend to wander a bit.
Mark: No they...
Phone Guy: Uh, they're left in some kind of free roaming mode at night.
Mark: (Scared laughing)
Phone Guy: Uh...Something about their servos locking up if they get turned off for too long.
Mark: Ugh...
Phone Guy: Uh, they used to be allowed to walk around during the day too, but then there was The Bite of '87.
Mark: The bite?!
Phone Guy: Yeah.
Mark: What bite!?
Phone Guy: I-It's amazing that the human body can live without the frontal lobe, you know?
Mark: Why?!
Phone Guy: Uh, now concerning your safety, the only real risk to you as a night watchman here, if any, is the fact that these characters, uh, if they happen to see you after hours probably won't recognize you as a person.
Mark: Oh, OH!
Phone Guy: They'll p-they'll most likely see you as a metal endoskeleton without its costume on. Now since that's against the rules here at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza, they'll probably try to... forcefully stuff you inside a Freddy Fazbear suit.
Mark: Oh, I get it.
Phone Guy: Um, now, that wouldn't be so bad if the suits themselves weren't filled with crossbeams, wires, and animatronic devices...
Mark: Uh-huh.
Phone Guy: ...especially around the facial area.
Mark: Uh-huh.
Phone Guy: So, you could imagine how having your head forcefully pressed inside one of those could cause a bit of discomfort...
Mark: Yeah!
Phone Guy: ...and death. Uh, the only parts of you that would likely see the light of day again would be your eyeballs and teeth when they pop out the front of the mask, heh.
Mark: Ugh! Oh, why... What happened?
Phone Guy: Y-Yeah, they don't tell you these things when you sign up. But hey, first day should be a breeze. I'll chat with you tomorrow. Uh, check those cameras, and remember to close the doors only if absolutely necessary.
Mark: That's not good...
Phone Guy: Gotta conserve power. Alright, good night.
Call ends
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