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Utter adult poppycock and one of the worst (legitimate) games I've played in quite some time. Published by "Tokuma Shoten Intermedia" and developed by "Technopolis Soft" (basically a game development subsidiary of Tokuma Shoten) in 1990 exclusively for the Sharp X68000, it is a side-scrolling "action" eroge... if I can even call it that. Apparently, Technopolis is supposed to be pretty good at their craft as they've been making games since at least the mid 80s up until the mid 90s, but I couldn't tell from the odd crapshoot that is "Guerrière Lyewärd". It sounds fancy with terms like "Guerrière" which is French for "Female Warrior", but the game is nearly as rank as Epoisse de Bourgogne (which, besides smell, is much better overall) and almost as illegal too (being an "18-Ban" game). The game tells the half-baked tale of a futuristic Earth and some not-so-wanted visitors. Agent Lyewärd (codenamed D3-7) is tasked with stopping an alien outbreak in the year 20XX which has planted a seed in the bodies of women which has caused them to lose their sanity and cause violence and, of course, do lewd things.

Essentially, it is a poor man's Kung-Fu (Spartan X) with less tight gameplay and serviceable lesbian interactions if that's your jam (but an otherwise abysmal presentation by Sharp standards), but the problem is just how devoid of anything resembling fun the game is. Lyewärd can kick, crouch kick, jump kick, and punch. Punching is totally useless as it has slightly less range than kicks and can only be done while standing and the enemies are lame caricatures of thugs who will either hit you and run or hit you and move with the exception of the last "real" level. Jumping is not even truly needed until the last "real" level as well where cheap ground enemies pop up and shoot beams where you have only a fraction of a second to react. It's okay though; none of that matters as there is no time limit and no real challenge either as you can methodically inch your way from left to right and dispatch 9 out of 10 enemies safely in this manner, and the end level bosses are all lame. While the game doesn't have much text, it's not great either -- the devs couldn't even decide on one way to spell "Scene".

I can't conclude talking about this game without at least highlighting its amazing power-ups. GL has not one, but two of those bad boys: Health (hearts) and Invincibility (not sure what the icon is). These power-ups are so great that they always appear in the same order (floating by in the air with invincibility being first) and they don't exactly move in a rational manner; if you're in air as you're approaching one, it will freeze while the screen is still scrolling until you have your feet planted on the ground for a second or two so it's very possible to miss what should be a foolproof item acquisition. Even if you miss one or two though, NONE OF THAT MATTERS as long as you do the aforementioned, as it's actually quite difficult to die by accident.

The game has four stages and a final boss level. Defeating each boss "rewards" the player with several CGs with the "Ice Devil" outlining the remaining story and the whereabouts of the ultimate alien. Completing the game gives you a staff roll with one of the most awkward facing-away walking animations I've ever seen in my life: it looks more like a woman sitting and kicking her feet on an invisible park swing than someone walking off into the distance... but if you wait a while, you'll also get one of the few non-adult stills in the whole game showing the defeated women back to normal going back to their respective countries. About the only thing that isn't completely offensive is the soundtrack, which is still somewhat dissonant bleeps and bloops in spots, but at least they're catchy in a weird early 80s Arcade way. Each enemy also has a different death howl which is mildly amusing.

If there is anything of interest to mention about this game, it's that it curiously mentions the designer in-game but not who handled the graphics. This was the humble origins of the graphic artist, Kazuhiro Nakazawa (中沢和博). Kazu would later go on to be involved in quite a few reputable titles or cult classics (hidden gems) such as "Lunar: The Silver Star", "Alisia Dragoon", "Yumimi Mix", "Startling Odyssey", "PAL: Shinken Densetsu" and more. Otherwise, I got nothing... there are plenty of MUCH better eroges than this one. This is a video of the game in action. Enjoy.

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