It's been a while...

Channel:

Jason Spaceson

Subscribers:

98,500

Published on November 22, 2021 2:31:35 AM ● Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46AagAUc8Y8

Game:

Mass Effect (2007)

Duration: 22:29

4,551 views

435

I missed y'all so damn much. But now in the words of Kendrick Lamar "Let's get this sh*t".
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TL;DR
To summarize what's been going on in my life over the last year and a half, I've been dealing with a lot of struggles in life. Things weren't easy for a long time, but they've gotten progressively better and better. Long story short, I dealt with a lot of toxicity from some people of my past, I had some bad experience with a few relationships and not to mention, last September my beautiful Mother unfortunately passed away. All of these events unfolded over the course of 2020 and it just completely shredded my mental health. I was in an extremely dark place of my life and I felt like all hope was completely lost. My Mother had such a massive influence on me when it came to making content online... she was literally there with me when I made my first ever video on YouTube back in 2009 and she was there all the way until the very last stream I did last year. Genuinely my biggest supporter and advocate for my well being and happiness. I can vividly remember how excited she was when I first got my Silver Play Button. The pure joy that woman had when I got that plaque in the mail was unlike any smile I'd seen her have in a VERY long time. She was SO proud of me for finally achieving a goal that I had essentially been working towards for over a decade. I'll always cherish the moments that her and I got to share together. That woman was literally my whole world and I had never been more heartbroken in my life. At the end of the day, all of those events combined, sent me into a spiral of depression and I made many bad health choices during the time that it took me to start recovering from the shock that was caused by her untimely passing. However, I'm proud to admit that I made mistakes and had addictions that I needed to overcome and I'm even prouder to say that I've been completely sober for just over 4 months now from all substances. This means so much to me to be able to finally admit to myself and admit to potentially thousands of people that I've been in a very slow recovery from all of that damage, but I'm finally feeling confident enough again to actually upload a video because now I'm in the right mental state of mind to feel confident enough again to do so. Trust me when I say that my Mom's passing wasn't the only thing holding me back. As days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. Every single day became harder and harder for me to say something because I was afraid of letting all of you incredible people down. Which in hind sight, I realize by taking longer and longer to actually say something about all of this, ultimately made people think less of me I'm sure. But I just couldn't deal with the sheer anxiety I had from not feeling confident enough to admit that I had a problem with substance abuse and the fact that I was very aware I was spiraling down the wrong path because I was so mentally destroyed from everything. Grief comes in many ways and everyone handles it differently. I'm just incredibly sorry it took me so long to actually say anything. Not to mention having dealt with some horrible people who essentially wanted to ruin my career by going out of their way to spread a lot of lies about me behind my back in order to make it seem like I was taking a break for other reasons, that just simply disgusts me. Which is exactly why I never used my social media for making updates because in truth... social media just makes me upset to use lol

All in all, I took more than enough time to recover... of course the scars will likely never fully heal, but they've become smaller and have made me more hyperaware of just how valuable life itself really is. I don't ever want to take anything in life for granted ever again.... especially not the opportunity to entertain thousands of people online and possibly have a career from doing it.

I'm genuinely sorry, from the bottom of my heart that I didn't say anything sooner. I know it's still gonna take my actions to speak louder than my words, but I promise that I'm not going to randomly just disappear ever again without saying something. If I do, then you can assume something happened to me.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this, I genuinely cant even put it into words how much all of your comments over all this time have meant to me during my recovery. I love you all so much.

Outro Music: Jason Spaceson - Daydream Freestyle
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