Game:

Porky's (1983)

Duration: 4:44

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4

Apparently based on the movie of the same name, but with hardly anything in common.

Actually, that's a guess. I've never seen Porky's, and after playing this pile of shit I really can't see myself wanting to either. Seeing as I lack a manual for this game and have absolutely no idea what the movie is about, this is what the game seems to feature:

You play as some guy who wears tight purple and stands like he's ready to take it in the ass. Your target is Porky's; the infamous rainbow-backed gay bar across the world's most surreal highway - to get to Porky's you have to dodge nonsensical traffic such as speeding police cars, skating disco-girls, incomprehensible brown smudges and three clones of the small black kid from the old Kia-Ora label.

If any of the traffic hits you, you're thrown to the swamp behind the sausagefest. Here you have to pole-vault using the creature from the black lagoon's cock, onward and upward to collect various volumes of The Yellow Pages to build a random ladder with.

Once this mind-numbing task is complete, our hero finds himself in some weird building, with a dancing retard in the centre.

Then I couldn't figure out what to do and gave up. Some sort of authority figure who looks like a certain incarnation of General Custer seems to make a monochromatic appearance though if you take too long playing with black lagoon's dick or something.

Fuck this game anyway. It's shit.