swappin' the pickups in my MIJ jazzmaster (pure vintage 65s) also LIFE UPDATE!!!
34yeah, finally, finally, finally i'm swapping these god damn pickups... i've been wanting to swap the stocks since maybe 2019, maybe even earlier, but i never did because of various reasons, such as not having the funds, then wanting to buy other things when i did, then COVID, then when i *did* finally buy some new pickups, i missed my chance to drop the guitar off to get set up and get the pickups swapped... annoying!!!!!!!!!!!! so i finally just bit the bullet and decided to swap them myself, and here we are... i actually managed to do it like holy shit lol i never thought myself capable of a pickup swap. proud! proud!!!!! i am so proud of my freakin self!!!!!! just sucks the screws got all fucked up lmao... still, glad it's fixed now!
alright. as promised in the intro, let's talk about life.
as i write this i'm listening to that music i put in the intro - i don't know, usually i hate 'tiktok music', but something about the calming synths in that track really just grips my heart and squeezes it til it's bleeding. the blood trickles down the fingers, stains the crevices and creases of the skin, wrinkled from passed time that cannot be recovered, and eventually spills far enough down that the arm is up to the elbow in a river of vermilion ...
poetry aside, i don't know, i just feel that there is so much profound beauty to life. isn't it amazing? that i can sit here and through human ingenuity and development and consciousness i am able to type these bizarre symbols, you are able to understand them and gain some comprehension of their meaning, and from them you may take a message that could stay with you throughout your life. i doubt that will happen, but still, look how incredible this is.
i have suffered many hardships through my life, as silly as that may sound for a 22-year-old. there have been an array of times i have pondered 'giving up', and not just in the sense of ending my life, but beforehand completely ruining it, hitting 'self-destruct', so to speak. whether that be through getting myself addicted to different things, or putting myself in perilous situations that could easily result in my death, or cutting off all contact with everyone who ever meant anything to me, all because it all often becomes too much for me to handle. i push people away because i am so afraid of being hurt, and hurting them, and i just find it easier on my own. and i think in some ways that's fine, but it can't be good to isolate oneself either. just remember that. don't recluse yourself, don't isolate yourself from all human interaction, because despite how callous, cruel, horrific humans can be, we are capable of the most divine and beautiful acts that we can perceive. try to find the beauty in things. a squirrel running from one branch to another. a couple holding hands and smiling at each other. a hug from your mother.
and help those around you, too. you feel a lot better if you help other people. it eases that looming burden, the one that tells you you are worthless and should fade away from the world. life has meaning, if you put meaning behind it. you have to find your way. it's like a sandbox game, you're dropped here, there is no divine will, no destiny, nothing is per-determined (or maybe everything is and this all is worthless?). you have to work things out for yourself, what you want to get out of it, and as long as it isn't selfish, as long as it doesn't harm others, do not let anyone stop you from achieving the goal. and help others achieve theirs. that's all we can do, is provide for each other, and hope for the best.
i have been sad, i have been fucked in the head, in many ways i still am, because some things that affect you in the past will stay with you for years, decades, perhaps even your entire life. that is what i am going through. but i am learning to live with it. as i approach true adulthood i am realizing more and more just how much i do actually value life, despite what has occurred. yes, no life is lived without turmoil, but you cannot let this turmoil consume you. you must accept it, learn from it, develop yourself as a result. you can't just close yourself off because somebody wanted that for you. spit in their face, do not let them take over you. you know you. only you can truly know you. and while that may at first feel lonely, eventually i hope you can understand that through this can one find their true inner peace. find comfort in the fact that you know you. use this. it is a tool so mighty, that you know yourself, that you can learn to love and understand yourself, because if you sharpen this tool enough, nobody else can blunt it, they can only build upon it's power.
maybe this is all bullshit, but.
i love you.
===============================
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kurokimitai
Band's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kyotomeband
SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/shimby-1
Bandcamp: kyoutome.bandcamp.com
contact me for collaborations: benandjc@gmail.com