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So, I have a couple of "unknown" songs in my collection. these have defeated the ears of everyone that has heard of them... hopefully, there's a chance someone on here knows! This one isn't as important, but it's a complete song which came sellotaped to the front of a "music" magazine in the late 1980s / early 90s. The original tape has long since been destroyed, but this copy existed on a C90, therefore I have no recollection of the song or artist. Yes, it's terrible. I'm aware of that.

In the off-chance you can recognise it from the lyrics, here they are… And this is how I’m hearing them. I can 100% confirm they’re totally incorrect, and put here just for reference…

Oooooh, oooh, (yeah), etc

Long time me no dance, it’s a dance in the dance hall, everybody come and do the dance (dance dance)
Long time me no dance, it’s a dance in the dance hall, everybody come and do the dance (dance dance)
Mother, Father dance, Grandma dance, sister dance, everybody come along and dance
Mother, Father dance, Grandma dance, son dance, everybody come along and dance

Chubby Checker make a dance and the world start dance, now everybody take a chance
Chubby Checker make a dance and the world start dance, now everybody take a chance, two three four

[instrumental section]

Long time me no dance, it’s a dance in the dance hall, everybody come and do the and dance (dance dance)
Long time me no dance, it’s a dance in the dance hall, everybody come and do the and dance (dance dance)

London dance, it’s a dance, New York Dance, it’s a Dance, Japan Dance
Amsterdam(?) a dance, it’s a dance [??? ???] dance, it’s a dance, Africa dance
[Bla Flaya] make a dance and the world start dance, now everybody come and take a chance
{Maggie Chair*] make a dance and the world start dance, now everybody come and take a chance (TWO THREE FOUR!)

{indeschipherable stuff for about 10 seconds]

It’s so funny how I twist [on a tin can] send the whole world crazy
It can-a really move ya, or captivate ya, My soul and a-body

So Long time me no dance, it’s a dance in the dance hall, everybody come and do the dance (dance dance)
Long time me no dance, it’s a dance in the dance hall, everybody come and do the dance (dance dance)
Mother Father dance, Grandma dance, son dance, everybody come along and dance
Mother Father dance, Grandma dance, sister dance, everybody come along and dance
Chubby Checker make a dance and the world start dance, now everybody take a chance
Chubby Checker make a dance and the world start dance, now everybody come and do the dance, two three four

{instrumental bridge}

(Long time) Me no dance, me no dance
(Long Time) Take a chance with the dance
(Long time) Me no dance, me no dance
(Long Time) Take a chance with the dance

Oooooh, everybody dance, oooh, now everybody dance (come on you beautiful [shoe] and er…
Come to the dance a {brisser} dance
A [rippable} skin, let be {no idea}

{CUE START OF RAP BIT, SOME WOMAN SINGING]

So, we come into the the place not to watch nobody,Â
But to do our own style, yeah [inaudible]
You ever hear about the [places] That I played it
[Watch all the Monday Makoona led leeeeee]

Now, Mama told me ’bout the scatÂ
But the didn’t show me how
She said get this move
Cos it’s a [lick] right now
Blibbdly blop bleep
B-Blibbdly blop bleep
[something] time in
[something] climb in, awhoooo….

Long time me no dance, it’s a dance in the dance hall, everybody come and do the dance
Mother Father dance, Grandma dance, son dance, everybody come along and dance
Mother Father dance, Grandma dance, son dance, everybody come along and dance
Long time me no dance, it’s a dance in the dance hall, everybody come and do the dance
Long time me no dance, it’s a dance in the dance hall, everybody come and do the dance

[Last instrumental section]

Long time me no dance, it’s a dance in the dance hall, everybody come and do the dance (cold ending)

Well, isn’t that a corker? If, by some amazing amount of luck, or a knowledge of music that outstrips mine, please leave a comment below.