Game:

Contra (1987)

Duration: 7:04

22,659 views

809

The smell of blood and smoke in the air, and with a lit cigarette clamped tightly between his teeth, Bill Rizer turns to The Red Guy with a wide, toothy grin. "Good shootin' Red Guy! Now that we've disarmed this nuclear missile with our muscly chests and violence, where shall we go?"

The Red Guy turns to Rizer with a wide, toothy grin of his own, a cold beer in one hand, and a fully automatic machine gun in the other. "I've heard there are aliens on some random ass island, Rizer. You know what that means." The Red Guy then opens his mouth wide, places the beer bottle within, and bites down to shatter it in an act of defiance toward whatever I don't know.

"Aliens?!" Bill Rizer's eyes widen and his pulse quickens. His manly, masculine man muscles begin to bulge uncontrollably, almost as if he's having some sort of awesome man seizure.

The Red Guy, not to be outdone by Rizer's awesome display of manliness, begins shoving lit matchsticks into his eyeballs, yelling, "SPOOOORTTSS!! GUUNNNSS!!"

Rizer continues, "I HATE ALIENS!!!"

The Red Guy, eyes ablaze, screams to the wind, "COOOONNTTTRRAAAAAA!!"

An instant later, Rizer sprouts his jet wings that he developed when he hit puberty at the age of two months, grabs The Red Guy by the throat, and takes flight for this mysterious island.`

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