Game:

Baldur's Gate III (2023)

Duration: 11:59:30

23 views

3

No doubt one of the worst “gaming” experiences I’ve ever had, 3 seconds into it I had to bust out the rolling rocks AVGN-style for this to be tolerable but even then, I still needed to have AMVs playing in the background since this game is 0% engaging and needed SOMETHING to do instead of NOTHING. This game has the longest enemy turns I’ve seen in a game and most of the time they aren’t even doing anything, just standing there taking their sweet time, because this game does not respect your time. At least make the battles 10x faster so I don't have to sit around doing absolutely nothing. Going into this you already know it’s going to be a complete waste of life. However, I was begged repeatedly by none other than MagykSpyder to play this game, so I said ugh fine, expecting that he would actually play the game with me like he claimed but he swiftly rage quit since no one actually likes this game. Personally if I actually asked to play a game with someone I would play it through no matter what since I LIKE THE GAME. People go around claiming to like things they don’t actually like. So probably 80-85% of the game time was me by myself and I no longer cared in the slightest. His reasoning was that “my game is cracked” (source: https://www.twitch.tv/brickngames/clip/YummyTenaciousMangetoutWoofer-Pp0FwQLkx6tBst4O) due to me being a free-thinker and searching for interactivity every chance I get, if that consists of killing random children (killing children is not actually possible in this game, fuck you, yet it’s possible in Freedom Force for NES) I come across so be it, the idea that anyone can actually care about a single soul in this game is mind blowing, I murdered a man’s wife in front of his eyes and he had 0 reaction, they literally do not react to things happening in the game and I’m expected to place value on them. Mind blowing. It’s already hard enough to care about NPC’s but way worse when there is no attention to detail. Shenmue still reigns supreme. Besides that the presentation in this game is so awful on every level, whether it’s the music (0 good music in this game, BORING BEYOND BELIEF, believe it or not having good battle music especially is very important), the horrible design language in the environment or just the way it presents dialogue and the story is so unengaging, and it all amounts to nothing in the end with an incredibly lousy ending. Also it’s impossible to even lose in this game if you just swap difficulties and give yourself infinite HP. Personally it’s hard to respect games with difficulty options already, but when they let you swap it on the fly at any point, yeah I really don’t care. Please commit to your design because if you can’t I have no reason to care, you are clearly just making this game for common white folk who value things that don’t matter in games, for example there’s apparently a sex feature. I have no idea why anyone would want to use this feature (I guess there’s a Sex% speedrun, I’ll have to watch) when there’s 0 attractive characters in this entire game. Even in character creation it is IMPOSSIBLE to create a character even 1% sexy or kawaii. All ugly fucking characters in this entire game because white people are fucking clueless. Instead of using this sex feature how about I boot up any of the Nekopara volume DLC’s I have for a vastly superior experience? I have no idea what’s with white game developers and flooding their games with ugly sex scenes no one wants to see like I saw recently in The Witcher 3. I don’t even pay attention to what these whores are saying and next thing I know they’re naked. Also I didn’t even mention actually progressing in this game which just sucks, it can be moderately cryptic but mostly plain bad. Act 2 is especially painful and no one likes it, not even “bg3 fans.” Just felt like a complete and utter waste of time figuring out what to do in this game. These 30 step guides IGN leaves are completely useless, usually I can find a way to do things in 1-2 steps they don’t tell me about (writers should probably be fired) usually involving killing people or just jumping to an area I’m not supposed to get to yet. Anyway I’m not joking when I say this is one of the most boring things I’ve experienced in general and 99.5% of random games I play are superior to it. Anyway I’m running out of space in the description, can’t wait to get back to playing real games with creative, unique concepts of play like Wii Fit U that have actual benefits like, oh I don't know... HEALTH? What does THIS game give you besides the desire to end yourself. This is just DND also, why not just come up with your own instead of playing this absolute slop glorified by only white people and no one else. Thankfully I refuse to adopt white people values, as I remain an otaku for life. I don't even have space left to mention how extremely unpolished and barely functional this game is..
Personal rating: 0.5 / 5 (Worthless)
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