Insomnia Files: A Week Full Of Loss & Feelings Of Isolation (21.11.2021)
0sooo...
I'm going to be honest, well I guess more or continue to be? I'm really trying to be okay with how my life has been effected. the only thing I'm feel that helping me be okay is the same thing that helps me have clarity in life. Music & Cinema. I've been listening to Valiant Hearts who just put out a new single along Andes putting out a new album which has was given me some much needed softness to drown out the static that has been what I've had in my head. It's crazy to think that I have to shut down to function in this new normal that has been thrust upon me. I know that people don't always get to choose how the story is told, but I'm enjoying the short end of the stick without the ability to explain and once again am just assumed to fall in line. another silent set of marching orders that block out the ability to be normal. I'm sure that it's just apart of being being disconnected from the power to get anything out of my head. I've known that not being be speak would eventually be the thing defect that pushed me off the edge into a freewill.
there isn't I can do about it now. I'll just do what I always have been forced to do. adapt, cut out the part of me that feels hurt until the static and heart stops. I'll keep adjusting and smoothing out the edges until the pain stops and I'll be whatever I'll be when I get there. I really do wish that I wasn't talking to myself in a box. then again my guarded need to keep everyone at arms length has truly shown me that I've been right. trust is the sharpest tool that comes back to cut when I leave in someone else's hands. in the end no one is reading this...
Ta