Let’s talk about content and other things - authentic & unedited clip (also, this title’s long lmao)
0Add description xinfinity (im trying really hard to simply not care about writing a good descriptions but it show so bad and I even went back to put those grammar and punctuation issues back in place lel)
Okay so now that we got the triggered dislikes out of the way, here’s the thing: this forty minutes is my current best attempt at being very deep and authentically myself while still going through depressing shit under the radar. I don’t actually think anything is wrong with me but it’s like one of my friends once said, it gets to the point where you don’t know who you are as much as you claim to and as a result cannot solve your own problems alone likewise (well they only said the second thing but this still applies) also I’m not gonna add paragraphs yet so be prepared for this cluster to muster... some courage ha?
Never mind
I do want to point out that I know I’m being a klutz big time in this description box... and I’m doing it on purpose to prove a point about how seriously I take life and myself, which in its own light fight light fight etc. (I did that on purpose too herhee) AHEM which in its own light is well deserved and to be honest I would rather change things for the better while I’ve still got my youth and health in check (minus PMO struggling) and writing this description like a psychopath and talking for forty minutes strait which is unlike my main listing of extremely tiny videos is going to be assertive of the same point. Notice how even when I am “normal” I still put too much technical thought into my writing?
As I write this I know the file size is gonna be a bit formidable, but the last (relevant) point I want to address about fear of criticism is that when you live a life like mine where you don’t even know what’s gone wrong anymore you’re gonna value pretty highly what your observers know more than you do your own knowledge and that’s only a bad habit because you should always trust your own judgement, but my situation with my mentality really sucks so here we are.
I’m actually okay right now, I’m just trying something new if not philosophically experimental. Bear in mind that as crazy and stupid my attempts may be, don’t think for a second that “it’s not meant to be taken seriously”... it is. And that’s partially why I want to LEARN to not take things too seriously in life and for myself - again this is me over structuring my words and not being authentically myself, it’s actually why I think I if not other people have more than faking themselves online but rather different personalities per communication medium which I dived into a little in this video.
And lastly if you think I’m rambling now, what choice do I have? Adjusting myself for others is okay, it’s been a good practice for years. This however isn’t about other people, it’s about me. And if I don’t test the waters now to see if everything is what it really depicts itself to be, how will I know any better?
Approaching 3k characters in this box. I’m almost about done typing, but I will give you one last thought: have you ever been so confused you didn’t even think you were standing on the ground? I’ve never been high or drunk before, maybe this is the hell that addictive PMO usage leads to.
I really shouldn’t type out special thanks for a video that doesn’t need certain groups and communities associating with this crazy lot, but I do thank Veager from my hangout sessions on discord for praising my efforts to improve as a person. Maybe some of you can relate to being pissed off like me for not fitting in, but with friends like him it doesn’t always feel that way. Whether I make new connections or seem disconnected generally, it’s nice to know when you’ve always had something somewhere when you were least able to be grateful for it - and that’s slightly hard for me to swallow because I always practice gratitude.
3.8k letters, alright then here’s my socials you bunch: @nodetact & Otto Crosswind#4245
P.S. nothing, just that I love everyone, even if it’s not warranted for literally everyone. And that if I don’t release my February 2021 claymation on time it’s because of the what if concerns and crisis I’m having in the present that was even slightly addressed within this very video on YouTube. And there I go yet again, being accidentally inauthentic and faking my overedited words and emotions... hopefully I find my way out of this. And usually I do, so there’s that going for me.
Last 500 characters I do want to reassure you guys that I’m not obsessed with writing or talking or anything, for some reason I live in a world of my own that isn’t just daydreaming. And I don’t know how to properly do what makes me happy without making others uncomfortable. That may make me sound like a monster but aren’t we all creatures of habit? Help me navigate this world and I’ll be your guide all the same. And maybe then it won’t be just confusions and fake happiness.
Otto out for now. Thanks for reading AND watching this video and texts