Noel plays Elden Ring: Busty Burglar busted Mid-burgle [hololive/engsub]
487Noel Shirogane plays Elden Ring.
Original stream: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dc4j6im-33s
@ShiroganeNoel
The crags breached the river of mist like the back of a long-extinct leviathan sawing its way through a Devonian sea. Like a monument to ruin, a castle, proud in its decrepitude, crowned the topmost mount. And here, in Stormveil castle, do we find our intrepid heroine, mace in hand, siren-voiced shield strapped to her back, singing anime songs behind her as she tip-toes as best she can despite her all-natural encumbrances.
“Will you keep it down?” hissed the knight over her shoulder. “You’re gonna wake up the whole castle with that crooning.”
“‘Crooning’!?” cawed the shield. “That’s not crooning. THIS is crooning.” The comet-emblazoned shield let out a terrific warble, one that would slay a Jabberwock from sheer fright, no vorpal blade required. “How’s that for crooning?”
The knight did not hear her on account of being deafened by proximity.
“Hey! Hello!? I asked you a question,” fumed the shield. “If you do not answer I shall croon a second time.”
The knight stuck a pinky in her ear and corkscrewed it and then withdrew it with a popping sound. It did not help. The world had gone silent. The knight considered this for a moment. Then a broad smile formed across her face. Peace at last, she thought. For the first time, she felt the full truth of the phrase, ‘silence is golden’.
“Hey! Hey! It’s been almost five minutes since anyone told me I was cute!” squawked the shield. A leaden silence passed over the sheet of metal. Then, in an outburst of horror, she screeched, “Oh, god! What if today I’m not cute!? Is that possible? Is it possible that Shield-chan wa kyou mo NOT kawaii? It can’t be! Dear god, I need my apple juice—STAT!”
Oblivious to the identity crisis unfolding behind her back, the knight crept down deeper into the castle, thinking herself silent as a snake, owing to the fact she could not hear the clanking of her armour or the caterwauling of her shield. Eventually she came abreast of a recess in the wall of the hallway in which she found herself. A sign that read, ‘Ye Olde Giftshoppe’ was hung above its entrance. The knight looked up at the strange scrawl. She shrugged as if to say, ‘I can’t read Ye Olde Englishe, let alone normal English’ and entered.
Inside, a vendor greeted her with a smile through his full-face visor. Or, at least, that’s what the knight assumed. He may have said something, but, unable to see his mouth, the knight had no way of telling. In terms of inventory, the shop was stocked with all manner of sundries: mushrooms, spotted mushrooms, flat mushrooms, and, yes, even canned mushrooms.
Scowling, the knight looked up from her perusing and asked, “Don’t you sell anything other than mushrooms?”
The vendor ducked behind the counter and pulled out a box and put it on the till. The knight reached out and plucked an item and held it in her palm—a mushroom-shaped object with the words ‘I stormed Stormveil and all I got was this lousy talisman’ written on it. The knight sighed and said begrudgingly, “I’ll take your whole stock.” She slammed a pouch of ruin fragments on the counter and picked up the box. As she was about to turn and leave, she noticed the vendor gesturing at something. She followed his excited movements and noticed a sign.
‘Debit or credit card only’.
Sweating, the knight, for the first time in her chivalrous life, was overcome by a kleptomaniac urge. Within a breath, she turned and bolted so fast her shadow had to sprint to catch up. Was she being chased? Were those footsteps she felt just behind her? She had to turn and look. Unfortunately, in so doing, she missed the garish yellow ‘Wet floor’ sign that marked a bottomless pit and ran headlong over the edge. She fell long and far, her mushroom talismans floating around her like perversely shaped fairies. She shut her eyes, but the impact never came. When she reopened them, she was back outside the castle, a box of mushrooms talismans sitting on her lap. From behind her, she heard a familiar voice.
“Again! Again!”
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