The Carapace Quivers |05| The Elder Scrolls: Battlespire [GOG]
0After what felt like an eternity of clawing my way through the entrance hall’s cruel maze, I finally breached its grip. And what did I find waiting for me? A vision, no less—a Daedra named Zenaida Nacarra, all sharp curves and sharper disdain. She turned away my finest advances like they were child's riddles, and instead teased me with talk of something she called a "voidguide." No idea what it was, but before I could ask for directions, she vanished into the shadows and left her pets behind—Spider Daedra. Long-legged arachnids with stingers that’ll tag you from across a room and drain your strength faster than ale at harvest.
Next came a stranger sort of horror. A girl—young, wrapped in furs, cheerful as a snowberry pie on Midyear's Day. But there was something wrong behind her smile. Turns out she wasn’t lost. No Nord child had wandered into these accursed halls. She was a Daedra named Rishaal Tamir, the mischief-maker behind every prank the Scamps ever pulled on me. She even had a tune to hum while twisting the dagger: if I didn’t help her find this mysterious voidguide, I’d be stuck here forever. And fate, cruel old goat that it is, saw fit to bind our paths together. Sometimes, you share a canoe with the enemy, and all you can do is paddle and hope the river doesn’t swallow you both.
And then... Perthan Vorn. A silver-tongued Spider Daedra, smoother than icewine and twice as deadly. He greeted me with a purr, beckoning me closer like an old friend. He offered me a sigil—an actual key to progression. All he asked for in return? That I allow him to mount me. Now I’m no maiden, nor am I delicate, but everyone’s got a line. And reader, I looked long into the abyss of that particular request... and the abyss winked back. No thank you.
I took the less intimate route: I carved him open like a roast hog on Turdas night. Legs twitching, black ichor spraying... I still don’t know if I did the right thing, but I kept my dignity intact and the sigil in my pouch.
And yet, as always with the ‘Spire, victory brought more riddles. I’ve scoured this floor. Killed, bargained, and bled. And now? I’m right back where I began: the entrance hall. My sack is heavier with gear, my limbs heavier with fatigue, and my soul heavier with memories I’d rather forget. But I’ll press on, gods help me. Better to fall to Daedra blades than die bored, curled up in a corner like some scholar’s pet.
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Welcome to The Elder Scrolls: Battlespire—a game so cursed, even the Nine Divines pretend it never happened.
Gone are the bustling cities, the open fields, the illusion of freedom. What remains is a floating death trap built for battle-mages and converted into a Daedric frat house. The developers took the engine from Daggerfall, stripped out the towns, and said, “What if pain… but vertical?”
Here, your inventory is a spreadsheet, your enemies are philosophical kink demons, and your only friend is the quicksave button. This isn’t an RPG—it’s a slow-motion plane crash with dialogue trees. Want shops? Too bad. Want rest? Hope you find a soul anchor. Want to understand what’s happening? Hold my tankard, I'm laughing too hard...
Each level is a Kafkaesque fever dream, stitched together by lore so deep and deranged it makes Morrowind look like Skyrim for Dummies. And just when you start to think, “Hey, I’m getting the hang of this,” a seducer offers you riddles, a flesh atronach eats your legs, and you fall into space.
We’re not playing Battlespire to win. We’re playing it to bear witness. To stare into the mind of Mehrunes Dagon and mutter, “...You okay, buddy?” Grab your spellbook, steel your soul, and embrace the suffering. The doom of Battlespire has come.
Nostalgia is a hell of a drug. Let’s overdose.
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🧠 #ThinkFastDieFaster
🌀 #BattlespireBound
🧌 #DaedraHRNightmare
⚔️ #CombatCursed
🔒 #PuzzlePurgatory
📉 #ImmersionBreaksBack
🎭 #VoiceActingVortex
🌫️ #LoreInLavaForm
🩸 #BloodForSkillPoints
🏚️ #OneDungeonToRuleThemAll
🧙 #ScrollsBeforeStability
🖱️ #ClickToPerish
🪞 #SigilKeepSyndromephoen
🫠 #GeometryHatesYou
🔗 #UnstablePortalsClub
🔥 #SpellcraftOrDieTrying
📜 #CanonicallyQuestionable
🍷 #DunmerDoomposting
🐐 #GoatsOfOblivion