Editing the Feature Screenplay Countdown to the Last Day #amediting
0The Countdown to the Last Day
OVERALL
-- Fantastic job, I really liked the premise and setup, and I think with a little smoothing this can really sing
-- I really liked the thought you put behind each character. Each one had their own struggle to work through.
-- Early on, beyond a vague threat of radiation, I don't get the situation these characters are arguing about, so it's hard to care. Maybe simplify it. We need to get rid of five people to have the food to last the 30 days until the radiation is gone.
-- The reversing day structure is interesting, but I think it might be draining the stakes of your story. I know everyone survived til Day 10, so Day 9 doesn't feel that scary.
-- There really isn't a mystery to be solved, I feel if we work backwards everyone has to be bloody and dead in the first scene rather than just arguing.
-- Don't hide the facts too much from the reader, just give us the situation straight if possible. Concealment usually works against the writer.
-- Think there are too many characters with screen time - maybe have 3 "talking characters" and 5 people that huddle and listen etc.
-- A lot of characters talk about getting out like it's so easy, but IS there a threat out there? It would be great to know what they think the threat is.
-- We have a lot of plot moments and little scenes and events, but very few of them have conflict, and I'm really wanting them to come together as a whole.
-- I feel like your Momento structure is killing the way your story builds suspense. Each time we go back, there should be a TWIST of what we expect, but things feel normally setup. What would STILL SURPRISE US in a setup even if we already know the outcome? The setup has to be the surprising thing in your story, not the REVEALS here.
-- It feels like we're missing a BIG STORY QUESTION that's driving each scene or that each scene outcome helps answer. Some scenes are fun and have great banter, but don't build to a answer to the big question
-- the closest we get is "why are they here" or "will they obey Turner" but we need more than that & it needs to be a part of every scene // most scenes have nothing to do with those 2 questions you setup.
-- Setups and payoffs feel a little out of order where something will get setup in Day 2 but payoff in Day 4, but it happened earlier in the story.