I need to vent for a bit.
0MAJOR CLARIFICATION:
From around 25:47 to 28:07, I make a lot of comments that make me seem like an incel/introvert/hater, something I only realized after listening to the recording. At 28:13 I debunk such thoughts, stating that I've put in an immense amount of effort to try and talk to people to no avail, but I realized I didn't go into nearly enough detail to show HOW MUCH effort I put in. Here's a few examples of things I've done EXTREMELY FREQUENTLY over the course of my entire life, from childhood to now, the full list being as long as the dictionary:
Went out into the community and spent time at popular hangout spots near me. Everyone would take one look at me and leave immediately.
Accept internships at jobs that interested me. Everyone ignored me when I asked questions, and I regularly got complaints from people who wanted me gone as soon as possible, no reason given.
Drastically expanded my hobbies to ones that involved going out and doing things as groups, such as summer camps, the one from Goody's Stories being an early example of that. I even went to Karate classes for an extended period of time, yet the instructors were the only ones who wanted anything to do with me. Every effort to start conversations with people led to them acting as if I wasn't there, or at worst, reporting to staff that I was making them feel unsafe and that they were "creeped out" despite asking the same questions and using the same words as those around me.
Going to extracurricular activities, such as after-school clubs. The staff that ran them were nice and welcoming, but the other students continued to act like I wasn't there. When I tried to start conversations with them, they said nothing and walked away from me.
Applying for jobs involving working with other people. Each and every time, despite perfectly meeting all the needed qualifications, my applications were either rejected with no reason given, or they persuaded me to look elsewhere, eventually leaving me with no opportunities.
Agreeing to work on group projects at school. Since they were forced to interact with me at that point, they STILL wouldn't talk to me. Despite them being the lazy types that just browsed Instagram all day instead of doing work, they dropped their phones and worked way more than normal to finish my parts for me, just so they wouldn't have to talk to me.
I used to go to a family therapist, and as he continued to see me fail to make friends, we worked out a plan where he would secretly go to these places with me and watch as a bystander, no one actually knowing who he was. He 100% definitively confirmed that nothing I was doing was the problem and I had no control over this issue. He had also never seen this before in all his years as a therapist, and had no advice.
So yes, I was actually being serious when I said all that stuff about "the universe is withholding friendship from me" and "I deserved better" and it wasn't just incel talk or me being depressed, I maintained a constant positive attitude, did everything right, yet never found success. I'm not lying or exaggerating in any way, shape, or form, and anyone who disagrees is part of the problem.