MCIHAD - Mario Bros: Everything is Nazis
8A silly nerd scandal erupts as the gang deign to visit the origin of one of gaming’s most innocuous blights, Mario Bros.! In case you’re younger than 9/11 conspiracies (in which case WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS AND WHY ARE THEY LETTING YOU WATCH THIS) there was in fact a game in the Mario canon before the illustrious Super Mario Bros juggernaut was willed into existence by the same shadowy cabal that orchestrated 9/11. Rather than a platformer, it is a single screen competition to get a high score by clearing the board of turtles and collecting coins. It’s pretty fun, but it just isn’t the same without the latent misogyny.
Who will emerge victorious??
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Mario Bros. features two plumbers, Mario and Luigi, having to investigate the sewers of New York after strange creatures have been appearing down there.[4] The objective of the game is to defeat all of the enemies in each phase. The mechanics of Mario Bros. involve only running and jumping. Unlike future Mario games, players cannot jump on enemies and squash them, unless they were already turned on their back. Each phase is a series of platforms with pipes at each corner of the screen, along with an object called a "POW" block in the center. Phases use wraparound, meaning that enemies and players that go off to one side will reappear on the opposite side.
The player gains points by defeating multiple enemies consecutively and can participate in a bonus round to gain more points. Enemies are defeated by kicking them over once they have been flipped on their back. This is accomplished by hitting the platform the enemy is on directly beneath them. If the player allows too much time to pass after doing this, the enemy will flip itself back over, changing in color and increasing speed. Each phase has a certain number of enemies, with the final enemy immediately changing color and increasing its speed.
There are four enemies: the Shellcreeper, which simply walks around; the Sidestepper, which requires two hits to flip over; the Fighter Fly, which moves by jumping and can only be flipped when it is touching a platform; and the Slipice, which turns platforms into slippery ice. When bumped from below, the Slipice dies immediately instead of flipping over.
The "POW" block flips all enemies touching a platform or the floor when a player hits it from below. It can be used three times before it disappears. In the Super Mario Bros. 3 in-game Player-Versus-Player version of this minigame, each of the three uses causes the opponent to lose a card and all the enemies to be flipped over. Another feature in this small remake is that the pipes are straight, occasionally spitting out large fireballs at the two plumbers. Coins appear whenever enemies are defeated and may be collected for bonus points.
As the game progresses, elements are added to increase the difficulty. Fireballs either bounce around the screen or travel directly from one side to the other, and icicles form under the platforms and fall loose. Bonus rounds give the players a chance to score extra points and lives by collecting coins without having to deal with enemies; the "POW" block regenerates itself on each of these screens.