When Words Fall Short Kingdom Presence in Times of Devastating Loss
0Top o' the Mornin' to Ya!
TLDR: Learn the profound difference between offering platitudes and providing true Kingdom presence during times of devastating loss. Discover why saying "I don't know" and simply being present often ministers more powerfully than trying to explain God's ways, especially when supporting both Christian and non-Christian families facing unimaginable grief.
What?
I'm not one to keep up on the news - I think it's quite distracting for Kingdom family leaders - but we do need some context. This morning at Bible study, we were discussing the flash flood in Texas that washed through a Christian camp and how we could or should talk with parents who lost children in that tragedy.
This brought back a vivid memory from five years ago. Our son threw a dog toy that ran right through Elizabeth while she was in kindergarten or first grade. She flipped up in the air and landed on the back of her head after school one day. I was in my office in a meeting when my daughter came in and said it was an emergency - Elizabeth was unconscious and having convulsions on the driveway.
I ran outside, wrapped her up in my arms and held her. She couldn't see - she was temporarily blind. She wasn't coherent at first, just mumbling and gibbering. Then she said, "I can't see. I'm dying. I'm gonna die." I told her, "It's okay. If God's ready for you, it's okay to die. You'll be okay. God has you."
As I reflected on this, I realized I have a pretty settled handle on death. I'd miss Elizabeth terribly if she had died that day, but I really believe she would've been okay, in a better place. I would be at peace while missing her.
At Bible study, we attempted a role play of trying to comfort a distraught parent by saying "Your daughter's fine, she's in heaven." After that failed miserably with our good actor playing the grieving parent, we came to a powerful realization: sometimes the best response is simply saying "I don't know" and being present.
Why?
This experience revealed something crucial about Kingdom leadership in times of crisis: unless you've actually experienced the specific type of loss someone is facing, don't claim to understand their pain. The tendency to offer quick theological explanations or platitudes often comes from our discomfort with grief rather than genuine ministry.
When we encounter devastating loss - whether in Christian families who should theoretically have hope, or non-Christian families who may have no framework for understanding tragedy - our first impulse is often to fix, explain, or provide answers. But grief doesn't work that way, and God's ways are often beyond our understanding in the moment.
The flash flood at the Christian camp creates additional complexity because it challenges our assumptions about God's protection and provision. If we struggle to make sense of it ourselves, how can we presume to offer easy answers to those directly affected?
Lesson
True Kingdom presence in times of loss isn't about having the right words or theological explanations. It's about being willing to enter into someone's pain without trying to fix it or explain it away. Sometimes the most powerful ministry happens when we admit "I don't know" and choose to simply be present.
When supporting people through devastating loss, our role is to provide the alternating prayer of brotherhood, common hood, and Christiandom coming together in support and love. This means being present in their time of trial, hurt, pain, grief, and not understanding. It means praying quietly for understanding and peace, and sometimes praying out loud.
The key is recognizing that grief is not a problem to be solved but a journey to be walked alongside someone. Whether dealing with Christian families who have a foundation of faith or non-Christian families who don't share our worldview, the power of presence often ministers more deeply than the best theological explanations.
This becomes especially important when we consider the Great Commission - how we come alongside non-Christian families in times of loss may be one of the most powerful witnesses to God's love and character they ever experience.
Apply
Think about a time when you've attempted to comfort someone in grief or crisis. Write down in the Doobly Doo below: What would you do if you were talking with a non-Christian parent of a lost child? What's your best advice for coming alongside people of faith, and just as importantly (or perhaps more importantly, considering the Great Commission), how would you support a non-Christian family in a time of loss?
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You be blessed!
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If you need help processing how to provide authentic Kingdom leadership and presence during difficult times, I'd love to have a conversation with you at https://brian.chat/ about developing the courage to be present without needing to have all the answers.
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