WTF Ghosts 'N Goblins (Capcom)

Channel:

Defunct Games

Subscribers:

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Published on October 31, 2013 5:57:18 AM ● Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVSBA7p_GIc

Game:

Ghosts 'n Goblins (1985)

Duration: 2:43

377 views

7

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So let me get this straight, Ghosts 'N Goblins is a game about a guy who takes his girlfriend out on a romantic date to the cemetery, where she promptly gets kidnapped by Satan. Do I have that straight? Then let me ask the obviously question: What the fuck were you doing taking a girl to the cemetery? Even if Satan hadn't shown up and there were no zombies in sight, you would still be trying to get laid next to a tombstone.

And these two really had to go out of their way to get to this secluded makeout spot. Right here is the town, and over here is the romantic cemetery. In between is this treacherous water area full of floating platforms and dangerous rapids below. And after they strolled through this ice-cold death pit, the two love birds still had to travel through the forest, past the river and through most of the cemetery. And for their trouble? Satan steals the girl and doesn't even give Sir Arthur a musical talent in return. What a douche.

But here's what I don't get: Why doesn't Sir Arthur run back to town and get all of his friends and neighbors to help him beat back this monstrous force? Sure, it's Arthur's girlfriend, but everybody's livelihood is being impacted by these awful creatures. Doesn't this town have a police force? Where is the rest of the army?

And even if you don't want to risk life and limb for your town, at least give Arthur the keys so he doesn't have to take on all of these bosses. What's with you people? It's dangerous enough fighting past zombies, gargoyles and poorly-wrapped blunts, do you people want him to fail?

That actually brings up an even bigger question. If it isn't the townspeople helping, then who is dropping all of these keys? Is there somebody in the sky just waiting to throw down keys? If so, why the hell don't they come down here and help Arthur fight? Or just give him all the keys at once, that way he can sneak past the bosses and avoid all of this suffering. Seriously, why doesn't anybody want this guy to succeed?

And just when you think it's finally over, Satan pulls a fast one and tells you that it's all an illusion and that you have to start all the way over from the beginning. FROM THE BEGINNING! And that's when you have to ask yourself: Is this broad even worth the trouble? Why would anybody believe Satan this time around, especially since he's already lied to you? Just imagine all of the good you can do cleaning up the city and getting life back to normal. It sucks that the relationship had to end this way, but there are other fish in the sea. You're a genuine hero!

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