You better not be carrying cucumbers when Constable Kanata is on patrol
348hololive's Kanata Amane plays Police Simulator.
Original stream: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6g4t4aRju-g
@AmaneKanata
To gain entrance into the shabby halls of HoloX Cram School for the Desperate and Needy, students needed to pass by the Angel. She stood grim as a war epitaph near the front entrance, wearing her ‘Hall Monitor’ sash with a sense of pride and duty that was out of all worldly proportion to her current station in life. She carried no weapons, but that didn’t mean she was unarmed. Fixed to each of her wrists was what appeared to be a deceptively dainty hand. No one ever believed hands like that could crush coconuts until they saw it with their own eyes. It was all too easy to imagine what they could do to a human skull.
Despite her short stature and cutting-board physiognomy, students knew better than to question her authority. If she wanted to see some I.D., you showed her your Costco Membership card. If she wanted you to take your shoes off before heading inside, you left your Chuck Taylors by the curb and pranced down the hall in your Hello Kitty toe socks. And if she wanted the shirt off your back, well, let’s just say you’d be playing for the Skins later on during the pick-up basketball game.
By and large, mornings proceeded smoothly at the school. Most students got to their classes on time, so long as they were reasonable and complied with all the hall monitor’s demands, no matter how unreasonable they might’ve been. But every so often a student would get uppity. Whether from ignorance or what Freud termed ‘the Death Drive’, a student would find themselves at odds with the Angel.
Subaru needed to improve her grades in several subjects if she wanted to get into the Academy. She was standing in line outside the cram school, listening to an exchange between a Rabbit and an Angel.
“Just the usual,” the Rabbit was saying. She put down her backpack and unzipped it so the Angel could peek in. “Just a few radioactive isotopes, some I.E.Ds, a flesh-eating bacteria culture I’ve been working on, and a pack of carrots for lunch.”
“What’s in there?” asked the Angel, eyeing an opaque thimble-sized plastic container.
“Ranch dressing.”
“Ah, good choice.” The Angel gestured with her chin toward the door. “Go on in.”
Subaru was still picking her jaw up off the floor when someone shoved her from behind. She stumbled forward and fell to her knees before the Angel. The impact was enough to jostle loose the cucumber she had been carrying in the front of her denim overalls like a kangaroo with a rather misshapen joey in her pouch. The cucumber rolled along the ground and came to a stop against the toe of the Angel’s combat boot.
She crouched and picked it up. “What is this?”
Subaru blinked. “It’s a cucumber.”
“Why are you bringing a…” The Angel paused. Her lip curled in disgust. “…this thing to school?”
“So I have something to eat later.”
“Do you have a permit for this cucumber?”
“What?”
“I said,” said the Angel, her voice hovering around absolute zero, “do you have a permit for this cucumber?”
“I… I didn’t know I needed one. I got it from my grandma’s garden.”
The Angel scoffed and shook her head sadly. “I can’t let you take this inside.”
“What!? Why not?”
“Carrying unlicensed vegetables is a Class Four offence under the HoloX Code of Criminal Conduct.” The Angel stood up. “It is punishable by two hours of detention.”
“But that’s not fair!” Subaru leapt up, leaving the ground like she were hopping a jump rope. “You let that rabbit girl go in. And she was carrying carrots!” She paused for effect. “Carrots!”
“Are you really gonna compare cucumbers and carrots?” The Angel shook her head. “What’s next, apples and oranges?”
“But…! But…!” spluttered Subaru. “But cucumbers aren’t even vegetables!”
The Angel looked at the thing she held in her hand as if it had just moved.
“They’re not?”
“No!”
Based on the Angel’s face, her worldview seemed to be swiftly imploding. “Then what are they?” she asked in an awed voice.
“Hand it back and I’ll show you.”
After a moment’s hesitation, the Angel handed off the cucumber and withdrew her hand as if she were letting go of a venomous serpent. She stared at Subaru expectantly.
“A cucumber is many things,” said Subaru. “But first and foremost, a cucumber is…”
The Angel leaned in like a fish hooked on a line. “Is…?”
Subaru knew the ideal striking distance when she saw it. “A weapon!” She broke the cucumber over the Angel’s head with a crisp crunch, unleashing a spray of pale greenish mist, and booked it inside as fast as her overalls could carry her. She threw herself into ‘Pre-Calc 101’ and crawled to the nearest empty seat. Huffing and puffing, she smiled and congratulated herself.
She then realized she had overlooked one key thing: She’d have to go home eventually. And there was only one way out.
Past the Angel.
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