MAKE METROID GREAT AGAIN! A Funny Metroid Prime: Remastered Micro-Review
25A funny Metroid Prime: Remastered Review in 30 seconds by a sarcastic Canadian who talks fast and GENUINELY tries not to hate the things you love. No spoilers and transcript included in description.
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Transcript: Seriously, what do you see in her?
Or, more accurately: How can Metroid fans help elevate the series commercially to prove its worth? Samus was a lot of people’s puberty awakening if you were a member of the 3 hours and under club, so we owe her that much. Maybe what Metroid needs is to get with the times. Maybe she needs—and I’m just spit-balling here—an open world with a map, with a lot of icons that are revealed when you climb towers. Maybe she needs some collectibles, crafting, stealth and outpost clearing and oh, dialogue trees and maybe instead of powers we can—get this—make the enemies drop color-coded gear to upgrade her stats and—okay, okay, I’m sorry! Maybe what y’all need is to do is to buy Metroid Prime right now! Because it’s fucking awesome and doesn’t need to change a thing. Do it!
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