Who Not How: Breaking Free from the "I Can Do It All" Trap
0Top o' the Mornin' to Ya!
TLDR: Successful Christian men often fall into the trap of trying to solve everything themselves instead of seeking the right people to help. Learn how shifting from "how can I fix this?" to "who can help me?" transforms both results and relationships while honoring God's design for community.
What?
I was working on Facebook ads for Kingdom Family Leader, trying to reach more families and spread the message about isolation being the enemy. One of my mastermind participants looked at my ad funnel and immediately said I needed to change my 85-minute vision strategy session call to just 15 minutes. I almost immediately ran off to make all these changes, thinking I'd found the problem.
But then I went to my coach in the ad space and asked for help. He told me to look at ALL the factors in the funnel - the video, lead capture form, analytics, tracking systems - everything. He said "look at the data." As a former science teacher, I was embarrassed that I'd gotten so narrow-focused, thinking I knew exactly where the problem was.
When I actually examined the analytics, I discovered the real issue wasn't the final booking step - it was the step before. People weren't clicking from the video page to the booking page. The expert guidance helped me identify the actual problem and create a proper A/B test to fix it.
Why?
I shared this because it perfectly illustrates how we as successful men often fall into the "I can do it all" mentality. I was raised to think I can do everything, that I just need to figure out the "how" on my own. But that's killing synergy - the power that comes from working together with others to create something bigger and more amazing than we could alone.
This story demonstrates the difference between working harder versus working smarter by finding the right "who" instead of struggling with the "how."
Lesson
The book "Who Not How" by Dan Sullivan teaches us to stop asking "How can I do this?" and start asking "Who can help me do this?" When we get stuck in narrow focus, thinking we have all the answers, we miss the bigger picture and often misidentify the real problems.
True synergy isn't about doing everything yourself - it's about coming together with other people who have expertise, perspective, and skills that complement yours. Sometimes we can't afford to have others do everything for us, but we can still access their wisdom and guidance to work more effectively.
The key is recognizing when our "I've got this" mentality is actually limiting our results and relationships. God designed us for community, not isolation, and that includes getting help in our businesses and personal growth.
Apply
Take a few minutes right now and write down one of these two scenarios:
1. A time when you reached out for help when you normally wouldn't have, and experienced powerful synergy and results because of it.
OR
2. A time when you should have reached out for help but got stuck in the "I can do it on my own" mentality, and it cost you time, energy, or results.
Be specific about what happened and what you learned. This reflection will help you recognize patterns and be more willing to seek the "who" instead of struggling with the "how" in the future.
You be blessed!
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If you'd like to experience the power of community and getting perspective from other Kingdom Family Leaders, join us for our weekly roundtable conversations at https://kingdomfamilyleader.com/roundtable - it'd be great to meet you face to face on Zoom.
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