FBE - Raised by Wolves & 21 DAys of the Amazon Scriptshadow Tournament Edits
0VOTE: 21 DAYS IN THE AMAZON
Raised by Wolves:
P1 - Walter's description is a bit tricky to visualize also
P1 - random guy getting shot doesn't hook me b/c I don't know
the significance
P2 - Walter's dialogue is a bit odd for someone going to kill a kid
"Who is running show?"
P3 - tramp or Trampoline??
P3 - Would she go with the guy who killed her father?? Can we maybe
see the father being a scumbag to her? so the assassin is a better
option - besides his old age we don't see his reasoning
P4 - doing a dialogue revision may help add pop -- question / answer
can be a bit repetitive
P6 - Doesn't seem like she's 18 - seems like 12
P6 - a little light on conflict - no one is saying "NO" or blocking goal
P6 - This isn't so bad - these internal moments are tough to show
P9 - what is kat doing - doesnt seem to have much
P13 - Cool concept with super Kat, but not much surprise - we kind of
suspect Mike is GG
OVERALL
GOOD:
--Like the concept of super KAT
--good action and description
IMPROVE:
--Conflict is a bit light - especially for an assassin movie - I
imagine she'd have more to disagree on with Walter if she ignores
the people she sents to train him.
--Dialogue could use some polish and some of the scene logic could
be better - ie why did the little girl go with Walter?
--seems not to have a big plot started yet, just kind of bopping
around and doing assassiny things
21 Days in the Amazon
P1 - I don't even know how an eagle could show remose - avoid stating
the inevitable / obvious
P2 - Interviews are always a bit unabashed with exposition, but
maybe there's a better way??
P2 - more details on florence to characterize her since we see her
a lot?
P5 - I want to see butch DO something that makes him crazy not just
say stuff -- these need to have conflict
P6 - those "will it stab..." in action questions are removable
P7 - Good dialogue and tone development for characters
P7 - And she thought... how can we visualize dis?
P10 - not sure what this banter is adding? I'm guessing it's
setting up the solar charger 4 later, but seems a bit clunky and slow
P14 - we're on pg 14 and they're just camping and stuff - I don't
get enough conflict from Butch to be really worried at this point.
nothing beyond ordinary had happend
OVERALL:
GOOD:
--dialogue and characterization is super strong
--cool setup and concept - i like this camping adventure / naked and alone
IMPROVE:
--butch is weird, but I don't he's weird or scary enough to carry the
drama for the first 1/3 of the story. no situation has changed beyond
our expectations yet
--Get going a bit faster
--Give us a real problem to solve, and add conflict even in the
interviews - i know its a thing from the show, but you gotta spice it.