Editing The Fat Pact Screenplay Outline - FBE

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Published on ● Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZViHzGlJK2s



Duration: 1:25:08
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The Fact Pact:

P1 - high blood pressure = hard to communicate
P1 - Does one of them want to be a lawyer - how do we
merge the one of playful fat joke verus legal girl wouldn't
one of them call this out?
P1 - Playful / fun moment is harder to believe they'll be
held accountable -- I wonder if accountability to this deal
comes from a more painful than a jokey one ?
--if it is going to be a dark comedy may want to start in a
darker place
P1 - may want to start with Maggie since she's the person
from the past
P3 - Piper leaving institution tells me the intro may need
to be darker, and she might need to be the legally obsessed
on stuff -- that's a cleaner setup to this payoff
P6 - the smoke a joint seems to deflate the most drama
packed relationships -- I'd want to see a bigger problem
with the husband etc before I'd make a move like this
P6 - scalpel in wall is a bit of a jump in the same sequence
P7 - CPAP machine = a funny moment because super in character
P7 - seems to slow down here -- less urgency and buildling
tension seems to slow. I'd lean towards keeping piper a threat
P7 - Why do they HAVE To hang out with PIPER? Would she agree?
I don't believe she would. Maybe piper calls her personally
after she refuses the call and tells her she's alone.
Is there a SIN in the past that we can reference -- maybe
MAGGIE used to make fun of PIPER for being FAT and that is
when they both decide (this guilt at making fun of her makes
her vulnerable)
P8 - Her want to have a baby is good, and this flaw of
not taking self blocking her is powerful, but show it
really influencing her relatioships - maybe lot o' pressure
on chris
P9 - legal stuff important
P9 - good for people to be pushing maggie on the kid stuff
but I thought she was driving that not Chris, and if he's
the one it takes away the one goal I thought she had
--still have a kid goal lacks some urgency and stakes
--Also consider starting with this for her // and
adding piper on top -- the kid story really starts here
P9 - Piper doesn't seem threatning here - just a fan of contracts
I'd push to have some SCENE Moments where piper is holding
knives (eventhough they took knives away)
P9 - I like the cupcake thing // consider how you want
to tone here -- whether on screen or off / silly or no
P10 - Make the first attempt happen a lot before 50% mark
more around 30% mark
P14 - I want to get the know the killer a little bit,
so the 4 ppl I've interacted with the most aren't it
may feel like the killer came out of nowhere... unless they
have more screentime
P14 - The Divorce case goal seems so secondary to pregnancy
that I didin't care about it. I'd adjust prioritization
if it's going to factor heavily into your A story = murder
B story = relationships (piper / hubby)
P15 - I want to see this MORAL judgement -- did she fail
the case because she thought they were pretty and didn't
matter the same way people thought she wasn't and didn't matter?
P16 - I want to see the culprit and know him as someone
nice and kind, then when the reveal comes, it's all the more
horrible -- if it's someone I don't know it's harder for that
punch to land
P20 - ending seems a little too overly sweet -- allow
for darkness and something having to be sacrificed
--frame a final choice -- maybe it's sacrificing hte pregnancy
--making those abstract wants /needs more concrete helps
to frame the final choice
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