People-Pleasing: The Hidden Link Between Childhood Trauma & Toxic Family
108People-pleasing a childhood trauma OR toxic family dynamics are often connected more than we think.
Emotionality, neuroticism, or mood lability (i.e., changing moods) are often foundational in toxic families and in families where there is childhood trauma.
Sometimes the parent(s) are perfectionistic to hide the "trauma" and the "toxicity" within the family. Other times, the parent(s) may hold extremely high expectations out of ignorance or immaturity in raising children.
Whatever the case, the need to please others is often either a trauma response or a survival mechanism.
So how do you know if you are a people-pleaser?
1. You say yes when you want to say no.
2. You put yourself on the back-burner to care for others when you don't have to.
3. You fear what others think of you so you do and say what they want you to.
4. You try to escape the truth of certain situations so that you don't have to make a decision, stand on a belief, or have an opinion that could lead to relationship stress.
5. You present yourself to others as "an easy going person" so that you can avoid clashing with others.
6. You grew up as the "lost child" which is a family role of identity confusion, avoidance to protect the self, and not having a voice or being paid attention to.
7. You feel like you are constantly "holding your breath" or "holding something in" with no room for self-expression.
Believe it or not, I consider my younger self (between ages 20 and 25) to be a people-pleaser and perfectionist in the things I was passionate about. Now, as an older psychotherapist and woman, I understand where I stand on ALL areas of my life and life in general.
So you can outgrow or overcome people-pleasing with self-awareness, maturity, and hard work!
-----------------------------------------------
#trauma #tamarahilllpc #CHILDHOODTRAUMA