Breaking The Chains: Exposing The Hidden Struggles Of A Toxic Family
104Breaking free from a toxic family can be difficult depending on the circumstances in which you are in.
It also isn't easy to walk away from a situation you are familiar with and may have suffered in for many years.
No one wants to say goodbye to their family. But some cases may require it.
A toxic family will experience major shifts when a family member decides to leave or put up boundaries.
*Some examples of a major shift may include:
1. Triangulation/the drama triangle:
The drama triangle explains a pattern of communication whereby there is a victim (often the family member who is the trouble-maker but believes they are victimized), a persecutor (who is the family member who points the fingers and causes problems), and the rescuer (the person who mediates and attempts to make everything alright). If you are reading this because you feel mistreated by your family, you would be the "persecutor" from the eyes of the "victim." This toxic communication pattern can lead to years of intergenerational trauma and relational trauma. If you decide to walk away or put up strong boundaries, the drama triangle can happen very quickly.
2. Defense Mechanisms:
Defense mechanisms are "walls" or "barriers" that we may put up when we experience any kind of threat to the ego. For example, a common defense mechanism used in toxic families is denial and compensation. When you feel the need to compensate for having a toxic family (e.g., by driving expensive cars, going on multiple vacations, overspending, etc), that is a defense mechanism. When someone "leaves" the family dynamic or decides to live their lives away from the main family, defense mechanisms help "protect" the "family name" or the egos of negative family members.
3. Existential discomfort:
Existential discomfort can be defined as a form of existential anxiety. You may feel existential discomfort or anxiety if you have a lot of unanswered questions about your life and/or about your family that can't be easily answered. For example, you may be angry with God for placing you in the middle of an unhealthy and angry family. The "why" questions you may have are most likely difficult to find answers to.
*To learn more about this unhealthy dynamic, join me live on Friday, Jan 5th 6:45pm est.
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DISCLAIMER:
*Videos are provided for exploration and educational purposes only and does not constitute clinical suggestions or consultation for individual cases.
If you or someone you know is having a medical emergency involving harm to self, please reach out to the suicide prevention hotline https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/.
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I'm Támara, a licensed and internationally/Board certified trauma mental health therapist, with over 15 years experience. I specialize in helping children, teens, and families with mental illness. I also treat psychological/emotional trauma in children, teens, and adults.
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