Random Shitty Games: ClayFighter 63 1/3
3What-ho, another N64 horror that is seldom mentioned, as though 9001 curses should befall anyone who dares mention its name...
ClayFighter 63 1/3, a game so SHIT that it didn't even qualify for the '64' extension to its name. A game so shit that it tried to avoid quality control by taking a so-called humourous approach and having all the aesthetic qualities of poodle turds.
A game so monumentally fucking atrocious that it cannot be described accurately enough with mere words.
Where to begin... oh where oh where to begin with this form of SHITE INCARNATE.
Ignoring the obvious texture flaws (I'm assuming these are caused by the emulator, rather than the actual game having an incomplete renderer - yet don't assume I'd find that surprising), the graphics are still fucking eye-rapingly bad. Jagged sprite edges, piss-poor models, and an overall lack of quality that gives the impression the game was designed by spastics with toes for fingers, and shit for brains.
The sound is shit, there's no reason for me to say anything else about this aspect. DEPLORABLE.
The controls... well it may surprise you, but I had never played this game before in my life. The controls suck, but this is irrelevant; mashing all the buttons will pull off all sorts of special moves, and almost certainly guarantee victory. I got bored after killing the plasticine clown (I don't know his name, it doesn't matter anyway and is probably stereotypically French), and as such turned it off.
Yes, that's correct.
I played this game for the first time ever, on the hardest difficulty. And I kept on winning.
This game is nought but a colossal bucket of dog's toss. I'd rather drown in my own stale piss than touch this festering shitheap ever again.